New Diet Trend Has People Swallowing Maggots To Lose Weight Quickly

New Diet Trend Has People Eating Maggots To Lose Weight Fast


LOS ANGELES, California – 

There’s some big news in the world of trend diets that you’re bound to see on The Dr. Oz Show anytime now. Health nuts say that if you’re serious about losing weight, you have to try swallowing live maggots!

Housewife Jenny Smith says, “No diet ever worked for me. I just couldn’t seem to stick with them. When my best friend told me her secret, I couldn’t believe it. I’m glad I listened to her. I’ve lost two dress sizes in a week!”

Not only are fly larvae inexpensive, they’re chock full of protein and other nutrients. The real benefit is in the effect it has on the stomach. Preliminary studies show that eating a half cup of maggots in the morning can cut a person’s calorie intake in half.

Health guru Natasha Sanipas explains, “The secret to losing weight is eating less. This is the best appetite suppressant money can buy. I recommend mealworms, personally. They sort of taste like bread, so they satisfy my craving, but are gluten and carb free! Basically, whatever I eat after swallowing them, the mealworms eat half of. It’s way more safe than the old tapeworm diet, too, because those things were super deadly. These mealworms, I usually just pass them through in a day or two!”

Advocates advise to always consult a physician before beginning a new diet, and to never pick maggots directly out of the trash. Sanipas advises to only order insect larvae from certified dealers. “If you do want to raise your own maggots, I recommend putting some rank meat in a Mason jar and covering the top with cheese cloth. Then let nature work its magic. Tempted to raid the fridge? Swallow a few of those little squirmers, and I guarantee your craving will be gone. Just remember – swallow, don’t chew! They can’t help you out if you’ve chomped them all to death!”

Scientific Study Confirms Weight Loss Via ‘Digestive Meditation’

BOSTON, Massachusetts –  Scientific Study Confirms Weight Loss Via 'Digestive Meditation'

With obesity on the rise and absurd diets swarming the market like wildfire, health and wellness specialist Dr. Mark Wildstein and neurologist Dr. Shawn Plutchetzky, conducted a study to see if the brain was powerful enough to control weight loss and weight distribution merely by concentration and will-power. The results of the test, released in the Boston Medical Journal on July 30th, were astounding

“The brain is the most complex organ in the human body. It controls sight, smell, taste, hearing, and physical movement,” said Wildstein. “It gives us the power to imagine, to think, and to act. Everyone thought what we were doing was a joke. We firmly believe in the power of the mind, and now we have a study that shows just how right we are.”

The study was conducted over the course of six months with two separate groups of 30 subjects. The first group consisted of females, between 130-133 lbs. Half of the women were in a controlled environment where they slept 8 hours per day, exercised equally at zero to low intensity, and were fed 3 times per day. The other half of the group was not in a controlled environment, and asked to maintain their regular eating, sleeping, and exercise habits. For some participants this constituted zero physical activity, as they were asked to continue life as normal. The second study of 3o subjects was conducted in the same manner, but with male participants between 170-173 lbs.


“We did our research and carefully chose 60 subjects to take part in our study. Our goal was to achieve a group of individuals that was near identical, in terms of eating and exercise habits, sleep patterns, and so forth. We had to eliminate all variables possible.”

The subjects were educated on how the brain and body function prior to the study. Each subject was directed to participate in ‘digestive meditation’ by lying down after each meal to think about the food they just ate, and visualizing how their body was digesting it. Wildstein and Plutchetzky believe that by reliving each bite in the imagination and thinking about how the food is being broken down inside the body, it allows the brain to control where it stores fat and nutrients, if at all. The subjects focused  all of their energy on where they’d like the fat from each particular meal to gather on their bodies, or if they wanted it to at all. Most participants, they said, chose to just “flush the fat” from their bodies.

“I lost weight in my mid-section and I gained a cup size!” said Kim Sherbert, who was amazed at what happened to her body over the course of the study. “My husband and I are unbelievably happy. And I can’t wait to show off my new body at the beach. Just in time for the end of summer! I just couldn’t believe it was as easy as it was.”

“I’m Brazilian, but I always had a tiny butt, and I was very self-conscious of it,” said Bianca Souza, another test subject. “Throughout the study, I noticed my butt was beginning to fill out and become more round. My waist stayed tiny. I’m just in complete awe. The hardest part was not falling asleep during the digestive meditation. But I worked really hard at thinking about it, and I’m proof that applying yourself pays off! I’m so thankful to them!”

According to Wildstein, all but two of the subjects achieved their desired body goals.

“The study was a major success, and overall seems to prove the Doctor’s dietary motto of ‘If you think it, you can achieve it,'” said Wildstein. “We are extremely pleased with how everything turned out, and I think our subjects are, too!”

“We wanted to prove the brain could control weight loss, and distribution, without any physical or dietary influence,” says Plutchetzky. “I believe, without a doubt, that we accomplished this.”

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