CLEVELAND, Ohio –
Pregnant teens across the country have been participating in a dangerous new trend, say doctors faced with an onslaught of unhealthy babies. According to reports from national physicians, a new trend among pregnant teens is to spend many hours during their pregnancy binge drinking, hoping that they develop “cute deformities” in a quasi-competition with their friends.
“Many teens have been giving birth to babies with extremely low birthrates, deformities, and other major ailments,” said Dr. Emmett Richards, Dean of Medicine at Boston University Hospital. “It appears that a trend amongst pregnant teens, normally around age 15 to 19 is to spend hours and hours bring drinking, in hopes that their baby will have deformities, and then they post pictures of their babies online.”
Doctors are warning both prospective teen moms and their parents that the “game” is dangerous to their baby’s health, as well as the mother-to-be.
“Ugh, like who cares, really, about the baby?” said pregnant teen Amanda Johnson, 15. “I mean, I only even got pregnant so I could do the bingy-baby challenge, and show all my friends. I don’t even want the stupid thing. If it dies cause I drank too much, who cares?”
“I’ve already had 3 babies, and the keep coming out more and more deformed, cause I switched from just binging out on beers to mixing in hard alcohol, and even sometimes some coke or meth, even though I know that’s cheating a bit,” said Lindsay Moore, 17. “All of my babies have died. The doctor said that I might not be able to have kids later down the road from all the shit my uterus has gone through, but whatever. It’s all for funsies.”