New Drug ‘Kratom’ Kills Teenager In Massachusetts

Ad

kraddum

CAMBRIDGE, Massachusetts – 

Tiffany Maestras lost her son Lawrence to a drug she did not even know existed, and now, she wants to warn other parents about Kratom.

Erowid.com classifies Kratom as a stimulant, depressant, and intoxicant, which to teens looking for a high spells “fun, fun, fun.”

“The leaves are chewed as an opiate substitute and stimulant in Thailand and South-East Asia, primarily among the working class. It has a relatively long history of human use,” said doctor Jeff Myers. “To teenagers, this means it must be safe enough. Why not give it a whirl?”

Teen user Dave says, “It’s easier than trying to find someone to buy you beer. The only thing is you have to wait 2-3 weeks for your order to come in. The high is fucking tit, though.”

Maestras says her son overdosed when he was dared to do the “Kratom Challenge.” He made a strong tea by boiling an entire package of Kratom. After it cools, they chug the tea followed by a case of beer.

“All the kids are going to be doing it now that they find out someone got so high they died,” says Maestras. “I know how kids are. They’re stupid, and they’ll try anything. I mean hell, look at the Cinnamon challenge. Dumb.”

Pregnant Teens Binge Drink To Give Their Babies ‘Cute Deformities’ In Shocking New Trend

CLEVELAND, Ohio –

Pregnant teens across the country have been participating in a dangerous new trend, say doctors faced with an onslaught of unhealthy babies. According to reports from national physicians, a new trend among pregnant teens is to spend many hours during their pregnancy binge drinking, hoping that they develop “cute deformities” in a quasi-competition with their friends.

“Many teens have been giving birth to babies with extremely low birthrates, deformities, and other major ailments,” said Dr. Emmett Richards, Dean of Medicine at Boston University Hospital. “It appears that a trend amongst pregnant teens, normally around age 15 to 19 is to spend hours and hours bring drinking, in hopes that their baby will have deformities, and then they post pictures of their babies online.”

Learn more about RevenueStripe...

Doctors are warning both prospective teen moms and their parents that the “game” is dangerous to their baby’s health, as well as the mother-to-be.

“Ugh, like who cares, really, about the baby?” said pregnant teen Amanda Johnson, 15. “I mean, I only even got pregnant so I could do the bingy-baby challenge, and show all my friends. I don’t even want the stupid thing. If it dies cause I drank too much, who cares?”

“I’ve already had 3 babies, and the keep coming out more and more deformed, cause I switched from just binging out on beers to mixing in hard alcohol, and even sometimes some coke or meth, even though I know that’s cheating a bit,” said Lindsay Moore, 17. “All of my babies have died. The doctor said that I might not be able to have kids later down the road from all the shit my uterus has gone through, but whatever. It’s all for funsies.”

 

Racist Hashtag #BlackFaceFun Begins Trending On Social Media

black

LOS ANGELES, California – 

White teens throughout the country have begun a new trend of painting their faces black and posting pictures on Instagram and Facebook with the hashtag #BlackFaceFun. The movement, which many assume started as a gag, has grown into a massive trend over the last few weeks, with tens of thousands of posts showing white teens with their faces colored completely black.

“Frankly, I just think it’s hilarious,” said Joey McDonald, 17. “I don’t want to be black – I mean hell, who would want to be black – but it’s hilarious as hell to paint your face, screw around with your friends, and talk like a street thug. It’s not racist, it’s just how the blacks act, you know? If anything, we’re celebrating their culture, not being racist.”

Apparently, most teens share the same thoughts as McDonald, claiming that they don’t see the hashtag as racist, just fun.

“I colored my face in with a Sharpie, so it stayed black for a couple weeks,” said Melissa Brenner, 16. “It actually really taught me a lesson about what the blacks actually go through. I got pulled over while driving my Daddy’s BMW because the cop thought I was really black, and so he just wanted to check to make sure the car wasn’t stolen. Once I told him I was actually white, and that it was just a silly internet thing, we had a good laugh about it.”

Many African-Americans say that the entire concept of the trend is sickening, and they hope that the hashtag doesn’t catch on.

“I don’t go out there, painting my face white with White-Out or whatever, hashtagging ‘WhiteFaceFun’ or ‘WhiteyFun’ or any shit like that,” said Jamal Jenkins, 19. “If I did, I’d probably get my black ass beat down by a gang of KKK guys or something. It’s all bullshit, completely. I hope to hell one of these silly white kids gets shot by a cop just because he thinks they’re actually black. That’ll put an end to this stupid trend pretty damn quick.”

 

‘Ice Bucket Challenge’ Becomes Banned In Missouri; You Won’t Believe The Reason Why

KANSAS CITY, Missouri – Ice Bucket Challenge Becomes Banned In Missouri; You Won't Believe Why

The “Ice Bucket Challenge,” a viral-video ploy to raise awareness for ALS, commonly known as Lou Gehrig’s Disease, has recently popped up all across the internet, prompting everyone to challenge their friends to dump ice water over their heads in lieu of, or in addition to, donating to the research to cure the deadly disease. Around the Missouri border it has gone viral at an exponential pace, prompting action from the city council.

“These people are dumping buckets of ice water on their heads, wasting millions of gallons per day,” Says Sly James, the Mayor of Kansas City. “It was great at first because donations were pouring in to local chapters for research on ALS, but after the first couple of days panic ensued for us representatives.”

James is referring to a serious environmental problem faced by the city in the last few weeks.  “People are dumping five gallon buckets, 10 gallon buckets, and heck, even bucket loaders full of water on themselves, which would all be well and good, if we weren’t in the middle of a drought,” says Meteorologist Katie Horner.  “We are experiencing one of the worst droughts in years, and wasting all this water when the whole point was to get people donating to a charity is asinine.”

Kansas City alone has lost water due to drought, enough so that more rural portions of the city are going without it, as well as the rest of the city having to ration their water.  “Restaurants have shut down, people are not allowed to shower, a family of five is only rationed ten gallons of water every other day,” Says James.  “These people need to realize that for all the positivity they are spreading by making ALS known, they are also devastating our ecosystem, which in recent years has become extremely fragile.  There is always two sides to the coin.”

With no sign of stopping, people in Missouri have decided to stop using the tap and have gone to lakes and rivers to get their water, with equal detriment to the environment surrounding.  “It goes without saying that people in general need to be a part of something,” says anthropologist Robert Layton.  “It is unfortunate that in today’s social age they need to grasp on to internet, to notoriety or fame so much that they refuse to see what they are doing to their home town.”

“We had to put out a bulletin banning the ice bucket challenge,” Says James.  “We just can’t have people potentially dying for no reason other than to get out of donating money to research.  People should just make videos showing them donating.  ‘ALS is a big deal, let’s take it out!’ and then fork over $10. That’s what the challenge was supposed to be about. Apparently somewhere along the line, people forgot the ‘donate’ part, and just started wasting water.”

Although the ‘challenge’ has brought in over $1 million more than the ALS foundation would have normally received by this time in years past, representatives for the foundation say that if people actually donated when they did the challenge, they’d have much more.

“Originally the challenge was someone nominates you, and you have 24 hours to either complete the challenge AND donate $10, or you would not complete the challenge at all, and you had to donate $100,” said Marsha Farmington, representative for the ALS foundation. “Yes, we’ve had people donate. Yes, we’ve had people donate more than $100, even. But I have to say, based on how many videos I see in my Facebook feed every day of people dumping buckets over their head, most people who do the challenge remember to film it, they remember to tag friends, and they remember to post it on the internet. The thing they forget is to donate the $10.”

 

Design & Developed By Open Source Technologies.