Royal Baby Princess Charlotte Plotting Death Of Those First in Line for the Throne

Royal Baby Princess Charlotte Plotting Death Of Those First in Line for the Throne

LONDON, England – 

The Royal Baby was finally born days after the original due date, and she is already plotting the death of those first in line for the throne. Prince William and Duchess Kate’s second child is fourth in line, behind her grandfather, father, and brother, and she reportedly will not leave her ascension to the crown to chance.

“She’s a real darling, and has been born with all the classic aspects of royalty,” said royal analyst Priscilla Hendler. “She’s ready to lead a life devoid of all meaning and commitment to a monarchy with no power, and she’s ready to shed blood to lead that monarchy.”

The princess is expected to kill all of her competitors by the time she reaches age twelve, when she will be of age to take the throne.

Bookmakers have been scrambling to decide on odds of who will be killed first. Prince George, the little princess’s brother, is odds on at 2:1, being the closest in proximity and easiest to play off as an accident. Next up is Prince William, Duke of Cambridge, the princess’s father at 5:2. Charles, Prince of Wales, is next up at 33:4, since he is expected to forgo the crown in any event, and he’ll probably be senile by then anyway. Queen Elizabeth is at 2000:1 – she is expected to die within the next 12 years, even though she seems intent on living forever.

The princess’s mother, Kate Middleton, is expected to be kept around because “as the queen mother she may be able to provide valuable insight from having lived the life of a commoner.”

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