RICHMOND, Virginia –
A diabetic man has put his recent diagnosis to work by creating a thick, maple syrup-like condiment from his own blood. James Dyer, 46, says that he had recently been feeling very ill, and was often lightheaded, and decided he needed to see his doctor.
“I went to my doctor, and he gave me a diagnosis of diabetes. I wasn’t really shocked, it definitely runs in the family, and that’s pretty much the only thing that runs in my family,” said Dyer. “I was really depressed for a few days, ’cause I fucking love cake and that’s not supposed to be happening anymore, but then I decided that this could be the break I needed.”
Dyer, a pastry chef by trade, said that since his blood was so sweet, he figured he could make a syrup out of it for use in his baking.
“I had an A1C count of 24. That’s stupid high. I should have been dead,” said Dyer. “My blood sugar when I went to my doctor was 900. I don’t even know what that means, except for the fact that my blood is sweeter than the stevia plant everyone raves about now, and it’s just as all natural.”
Dyer uses the blood condiment in his flavorings for his pastries, including for filling and frosting.
“People really like it, and come to find out, it’s not illegal, so this is all good. The kids and families can’t get enough,” said Dyer. “I don’t have much time left on this earth, but I am not going to let my sugary blood dictate my life and my eating habits. I will eat what I want. To be damned with insulin. I’m going to profit off my sweet, diabetic blood!”