Trix Bunny To Be Replaced With New Rabbit That Survived Animal Testing


DETROIT, Michigan –

Few people know that the cartoon Trix rabbit, designed by Joe Harris, was actually based of an actual lab rabbit. After eating Trix cereal, the rabbit went crazy for more as if the cereal was crack. Even though he was hopelessly addicted to cereal, he did not suffer any health consequences.

“We’ve had the Trix bunny as the spokesanimal for so long, that people have forgotten the story,” said Galdwell. “But now it’s time to teach the world that there’s a new bunny in town, and he’s survived, too.”

The Trix rabbit will temporarily be replaced by Cinnabun, the lucky rabbit who survived when he was fed a new version of Trix cereal. To meet changing consumer demand, cereal giant General Mills has had to change their recipes, favoring all-natural ingredients.

Malcolm Galdwell, who worked on the new recipe says, “General Mills cares about children, so they test out all their new cereals on lab animals. The cereals must pass a rat test first. Then if the recipe makes it through that round, then it goes to the rabbit round. After that, it is considered safe for children. Changing the recipe to more natural products, while making it just as addictive, was quite difficult. Cinnabun nearly died, but was able to pull through at the last minute.”


Nickelodeon Announces Remakes Of Over 40 TV Shows From 90s

Nickelodeon To Remake All 90s TV Series

MIAMI, Florida –

For many the ages of 27 through 35 can be a tough transition into full-fledged adulthood. But for all the 90s kids in the world, life has finally thrown them a juicy bone. Nickelodeon has announced that starting in the Summer of 2015, a revamping of nearly 40 classic Nickelodeon shows will be reproduced and re-aired.

“It is time to return to the nostalgic era of Television,” said Director of Programming Arthur Nicholson. “The 90s kids are the reason we are where we are today, and we have to remember that.”

While the entire lineup has not been revealed, initial shows fingered for recreation include: Pete & Pete, Rockos Modern Life, Art You Afraid of the Dark?, Doug, Legends of the Hidden Temple, and Ren & Stimpy. Nichols hinted that nearly every show aired throughout the 90s will find its way to reproduction.

“I’m super stoked, man,” said Jake Festein, a 32-year-old clerk at a local Best Buy. He stated he grew up on the many shows on Nickelodeon.

“Those shows were so awesome. I can’t wait to chill out and watch all those shows again, man. I’d come home from school before my parents were off of work, and I’d like watch them and like laugh and stuff. It’s going to be great. Those shows were so awesome, man.”

As soon as the revamping of shows was announced, General Mills noted a influx of demand for their varied cereals, including many that had gone out of circulation.

“We haven’t seen demand like this in over 15 years,” stated General Mills Vice President of Supply, John Church.

“Thank God we brought French Toast Crunch back when we did. We have seen the demand for the product spike by nearly 2,500 percent since Nickelodeon made their announcement. We’re also getting high demand for Sprinkle Spangles, Minibuns, and Berry Berry Kix. It’s like nothing we’ve seen since I was in high school. These numbers are out of this world.”

In likely related news, marijuana dispensaries have noted a shortage in supply after a run on product, which appears to have been in line with Nickelodeon’s announcement.

Said Nicholos of the situation, “We’re just happy to see the fans are responding so positively. We can’t wait to introduce a whole new generation of kids to programming that will know will have a large impact on their lives.”

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