Marvel Announces R-Rated ‘Howard The Duck’ Film Coming in 2017


HOLLYWOOD, California – 

The original Howard the Duck film, starring Lea Thompson and Ed Gale, is widely divided between moviegoers as being either an “awesome cult classic,” or one of the worst films of all time, but either way, Marvel has announced that they plan to bring back their anthropomorphic duck in an all-new movie, set for release in the summer of 2017.

“We teased Howard a little at the end of Guardians, but we really wanted to bring him back for his own movie, and this time, make it not a giant piece of shit,” said Marvel CEO Mark Wymms. “He will not be CGI as he was in Guardians. That was just a tease, or a little taste. Actually, we’ve already begun shooting the movie, and we think fans will be super happy to know that we’re going hard R-rating.”

Deadpool, the latest Marvel movie to hit theatres, was R-rated, and grossed over $700 million worldwide, making it the third-highest grossing R-rated film of all time. Marvel hopes to strike again with Duck, which is based on their comic series about a duck named Howard who is brought to Earth during a science experiment gone awry.

The new film will feature Warwick Davis (Willow) as Howard, and is set to be directed by Lars Von Trier.

‘Guardians of the Galaxy’ Breaks Box Office Records, Studio Announces Unprecedented 8 Sequels

HOLLYWOOD, California – 'Guardians of the Galaxy' Breaks Box Office Records, Studio Announces Unprecedented 8 Sequels

The new film Guardians of the Galaxy, based on a Marvel comic book about a group of rag-tag space-traveling misfits who join together to save the world, has broken numerous box office records since its release to theaters this past Friday, making it one of the highest-grossing films of all time, as well as one of the highest-grossing comic book films ever released. Executives for Marvel Studios, amazed at the film’s success, have already green-lit 8 sequels to the movie.

“We knew the movie would be a big summer hit with families, but we didn’t know that it was going to be this massive,” said Peter Dey, an executive at Marvel Studios. “No one even knew this comic book existed before we started releasing trailers for the movie. This proves how great marketing can really pack the butts in the seats.”

Even with its PG-13 rating for action, violence, and some crude-humor, theaters across the country were packed with children of all ages, many of whom were excited to see the film, despite not having ever read the comics.

“The previews looked good and funny,” said Brad Quill, age 9, who was seeing the movie in Los Angeles with his father. “I’ve never looked at the comics before. I am an Avengers fan more than anything. But this will do until we get another one of those movies.”

Despite not yet making back the $170 million dollars the film was budgeted, executives have already announced several sequels, and have been working with agents for all of the stars from the first film to get them to sign on for the next 8 films.

“We really want to make this a massive franchise. More movies, clothing, figures – you name it,” said Dey. “We need everyone to come back for the next movies, and we’re paying big money for them to do so.”

Insiders report that the studio is looking on spending almost $600 million dollars on the next film alone, with a reported $3 billion to be spent over the series as a whole.

The reviews for the film are almost universally amazing, another feat that is hard to pull off in this day-and-age, especially by a comic book film that doesn’t feature a main cast member that died before the film was released.

“Remember how bad X-Men Origins: Wolverine and Man of Steel were?” asked Dey. “This film is as good as those movies were bad. It will make you forget all about that atrocity of a Transformers movie you saw earlier this summer, that’s for sure.”

Marvel has said that the next GOTG film will be released in 2016, with another film following every 2 years after. The final film in the series will be released in July, 2030. Director James Gunn, known for absolutely nothing else before this major blockbuster of a film, has already signed on to continue with the series until it has ended.


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