NEW YORK, NEW YORK –
A group of divers from the New York Police Department made an eerie discovery this morning during a routine training exercise. So far, 327 bodies have been found on the floor of the Hudson river, just off the coast of Midtown-Manhattan, by the NYPD dive team, according to spokesperson James Dailey.
“At approximately 10:15 AM, our divers discovered the bodies during a training exercise. The identities of the deceased are unknown at this time,” Dailey said at an impromptu press conference held outside One Police Plaza in Manhattan. “All of the bodies found were chained to cinder blocks, which were most likely used to weigh down the corpses. We do believe that foul play was involved.”
There is speculation amongst the department of whether or not the bodies are linked to the notorious Del Pino crime family, who had seized control over the city within the past five years, and are most notably believed to be responsible for the deaths of Peter “Half-Foot” Marcini and Ronnie “Staircase Nose” Nanatelli, both known for being masters of the bootleg dvd trade which preys upon tourists visiting the bustling Manhattan.
“It (the Hudson River) seems to suddenly be a very popular place for wrong-doers and murderers to dispose of bodies, much less go as low as to murder adversaries because of misunderstandings. Very rarely in the past would we have pulled a bloat from the Hudson, and we certainly wouldn’t have pulled 300 or more out. Back in the old days, you think the guys woulda resorted to violence to solve the common adversities that life had dealt them? Forget about it,” Dailey concluded. “I tell you though, we really, really need to start diving the Hudson more. Finding a body or two is one thing, finding this many? It’s going to take weeks to sort through them all.”