WASHINGTON, D.C –
A new law that would force pregnant fans of the rap group Insane Clown Posse, otherwise known as “Juggalettes,” to have abortions is striking a nerve with those who say it takes away their fundamental rights to listen to bad music.
“No one is out there, telling Kid Rock fans that they have to have abortions, and if ever there were an abomination of music, it’s Kid Rock,” said Juggalo Mike “Ballswrecka” Fleming. “I got mad clown love for my homie and bitch Tasty Flavamaka, and she’s pregnant with our fifth little little juggalo homie. Ain’t no muthafuckin government fascist telling me I can’t have more babies, bitch. Whoop Whoop.”
“We are within our legal right to force pregnant juggalos, or ‘juggalettes,’ as they call them, to get an abortion,” said White House spokesman Daniel Bond. “ICP followers, these clown thugs, they’re a gang, and gangs are not allowed to co-mingle. When you have a woman, who is an ICP fan for some reason, carrying a child who they plan to raise to also, ugh, be an ICP fan, then you’ve got two fans, and that’s a gathering. Gathering of gang members is forbidden by law.”
According to the new law, anyone who has ever been to a Gathering of the Juggalos event, or to an ICP concert, or who currently owns any ICP CDs or merchandise, will not be allowed to be pregnant.
“If you are pregnant currently and consider yourself an ICP fan, then you will be required to receive an abortion,” said Bond. “If you are too far along to have an abortion based on current state and federal laws, then you will be asked to give your baby up for adoption so that it may be raised in a healthy, happy environment.”