WASHINGTON, D.C. –
In a recent Supreme Court verdict, a judge upheld the decision made by the US Government that had declared “Juggalos,” super-fans of the musical group Insane Clown Posse, to be classified as gang members. Thousands of fans, who say that they are more of a “family” than a gang, are disgusted by this verdict.
The Insane Clown Posse, or ICP, have been making music together since 1985. With two platinum and five gold albums, they have a fan base in the hundreds of thousands.
“We always knew we would be huge woop woop,” ICP frontman Shaggy 2 Dope says. “It was just a matter of time before we made it big. This whole gang s*** is really getting us down. Just because we talk about this stuff all the time, it’s only about family. All the Juggalos and Juggalettes are my family, whether I know them or not. They would die for us, and kill for us, and we would do the same for them.”
The recent court ruling decided that anyone associated with the Juggalos are members of a gang.
“These Juggalos go around, talking about killing people and rape and they think that’s okay,” Says FCC Chairman Tom Wheeler. ” They do this all while being painted up like clowns and in large groups. Someone walking by overhears it and gets uncomfortable, it is a no brainer to me that this is gang-like behavior. Strength in numbers and what not.”
The Juggalo community is quite split on the decision, some have always looked at it as a gang, while others just look at it as a community.
“Woop woop, I don’t get why all dis s*** is being stirred over us mother f***ers. We just doing our thang WOOP WOOP.” Says Juggalo Curtis Brown, who goes by his ‘Juggalo Name’ Mizta Nut Busta. “I ain’t never f***in kill n***as, I just f***ing sing da shit dey sing woop woop. We’s a family and that’s it, none of us has ever killed n***as or f***ed s*** up fo’ no reason, we ain’t like that.”
Apparently, not all Juggalos are on the same page about what being a fan of ICP, and being a Juggalo itself, even means.
“Man we always been a gang. We ain’t never wanted nothing but to kill s*** and f*** s*** up. I just smoke mah weed, rock my faygo, and spray b****es with my sperm, woop woop,” Said ‘Masta-Bata 187,’ a Juggalo from Detroit.
In a stunning reaction to the ruling, hundreds of Juggalos and Juggaletes flooded the streets with signs and face paint, protesting the court ruling.
“I have never seen such a seemingly motley crew organize so quickly,” Says famous Anthropologist Napoleon Chagnon. “They seem like a variable hodgepodge of Mongoloids that don’t seem capable of doing anything but smoking pot and listening to bad music. I am not sure that this protest will help their cause, because they keep throwing out gang signs and their faces are all painted. It is pretty much just an excuse to get drunk and party in public with signs.”
As of the writing of this article, it is unclear whether representatives for ICP actually filed the appeal, or if they were too busy getting high and just thought they filed them.