CARSON, Nevada –
A 16-year-old teen has reportedly filed a lawsuit against his parents because he claims that their “faulty genetics” caused him to be born with red hair, and school bullies have been picking on him for years, calling him “soulless” and a “ginger.”
“If my parents hadn’t been weak, pathetic nerds, maybe they could have created someone who didn’t have pasty skin, freckles, and flaming red hair,” said Kyle Jones, who filed the lawsuit after partnering with a lawyer from the ACLU. “Both of my parents were losers in high school, they both have red hair, and they were both bullied for it, too. They should have known that I would also get bullied, and they should have not been allowed to have children.”
Jones says that he would rather have not been born than having to deal with the bullying that he’s endured for most of his life.
“Kids are mean, and because I’m a redhead, they’re more mean than they would be if I was a loser who had dark hair,” said Jones. “Hell, even the goth kids and the emo queers don’t get picked on as much as I do. They deserve to pay for creating me.”
Jones and his lawyers say they are seeking $4.4 million in damages for “emotional and mental abuse.”
LOUISVILLE, Kentucky –
Carl Smith, an office worker in Louisville, says that he is suing his employer, Carlton Business Solutions, over his right to be sexually harassed in the workplace.
“When I began working for Carlton, I did not sign an anti-sexual harassment policy disclosure, because I have no problems being sexually harassed,” said Smith. “Three years has gone by, and now HR is saying that I have to sign the paper if I want to continue working for the company. That isn’t fair in the slightest.”
Smith says that he wants to be able to be sexually harassed at work if another co-worker feels right in sexually harassing him.
“I’m not a pervert. I am not going to be hounding the ladies or making crude comments,” said Smith. “But that doesn’t mean that they might not to want to say something to me. Maybe they want to make a lewd joke that references the size of my penis. Or maybe they want to give me a playful ass-slap while I’m making coffee in the break room. Those are things I’m okay with, and as such, I refuse to sign any policies on the matter.”
Smith says that he has retained a lawyer, and plans on taking his case “all the way to the supreme court,” if necessary.
“I don’t have anyone to go home to a night, and this job is all I have,” said Smith. “I want to make it the kind of environment that I feel comfortable working in, that’s all.”