Warner Bros. Studio Announces ‘Harry Potter’ Remake Slated For 2017

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LOS ANGELES, California – 

Warner Bros. Studios, the company behind the mega-franchise Harry Potter films, has announced today that they are working on a remake of the series, with the first film already scheduled for release in 2017.

“We started realizing awhile ago that we would never have another series as big as Harry Potter,” said WB CEO Bruce Landon. “With companies like Sony remaking Spider-Man less than 10 years after their original film, we knew that Harry Potter could easily be re-made, as it has been nearly 15 years since the first film. People will flock to the theatres. Plus, it’s so much easier to just write a check and get some new movies made than it is to come up with new ideas.”

Writer J.K. Rowling, the author of the Harry Potter novels, is reportedly on board with the idea of a remake, and says that an entire new generation of children can discover Hogwarts that way.

“Plus, it will give me several more big, fat checks,” said Rowling. “God knows I don’t have any more good books in me, but I would love to stay the richest woman in England. I think this works.”

Warner Bros. has not yet announced a cast or a director, but the studio says that they have hired screenwriter Alan Ball (American Beauty) to produce a script. Filming is set to begin in April of 2016.

J.K. Rowling Reportedly Broke, Announces New Harry Potter Book

J.K. Rowling Reportedly Broke, Announces New Harry Potter Book

LONDON, England – 

J.K. Rowling informed her fans she was working on the 8th part of ‘Harry Potter’ saga. She first announced it on her Facebook page early Friday morning, and then confirmed the information in a few interviews with local media.

When asked what is the next part going to be about, Rowling said it would describe the eternal fight between good and evil. This answer didn’t satisfy either journalists or her fans, so she had to add some details.

“In summary, Harry Potter leads a peaceful, lovely life with his wife and children, until one day his scar hurts again, and burns like fire. In this moment Harry understands: it’s Voldemort rising from the dead,” said Rowling. “The malicious wizard is back, stronger and more dangerous than ever before. The battle for life begins, or rather reactivates. One more time Harry has to save his loved ones and the whole world.”

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Rowling said her decision was dictated by an inner need to bring back Harry Potter, mostly because she is flat broke.

“She, at one point, was one of the wealthiest people in the world, and the wealthiest woman in England,” said financial analyst Mark Cummings of the New York Weekly. “Sadly, the sales of her post-Potter books are just dreadful. Bringing Harry back is the only way that Rowling would be able to maintain her current lifestyle, or else she’d end up back on the streets, homeless once again and scrawling notes on diner napkins.”

Rowling was reportedly recently seen in a London bank, asking for a loan of £1000 ($1550 USD), which was refused. An anonymous friend of Rowling’s has hinted that the writer may have severe gambling problems. “It’s true – she lost most of her fortune betting on real-life Quidditch matches. It’s just so strange, and so sad. Did you even know that Quidditch was a real game? My mind was totally blown.”

Rowling said the book should be ready within three months. Some Harry Potter fans say it can not be a success, yet plenty of them are looking forward to the publication. The preparation has already started. Readers and avid fans are already buying magical gadgets, such as hats, capes and wands, to use while dressing up during book launches around the world.

 

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