Former ‘Daily Show’ Host Jon Stewart Announces Presidential Run

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LOS ANGELES, California – 

With Jon Stewart completing his Daily Show hosting duties earlier this summer, many people were asking what the comedian, 52, would do next in his career. Although in recent interviews, Stewart said that he wasn’t sure what his next move would be, apparently he had a secret he was keeping all along.

“I’m officially tossing my hat into the ring for a seat in the Oval Office in 2016,” said Stewart during a recent press conference. “I’ve been mocking politicians for almost 2 decades on my show, and now it’s time to show them that I don’t just follow their mistakes, I’m ready to right them as well.”

Most political analysts say that Stewart doesn’t hold a chance of getting a party’s nomination, but many voters seem to disagree.

“There is no one on this planet I would rather vote for than Jon Stewart,” said Twitter user DailyShowLuvr.

“Stewart is a God. Not the God, because he’s a Jew and all, but God, for sure, and I’d vote for him,” said Facebook user George Glass. “It’s about time we elected a non-Christian into the presidency, actually. Yeah, I’ll definitely vote for him.”

Stewart says that the has no idea what platform he’s going to campaign on, but that he’s well aware of where he stands on each and every issue.

“It’s the exact opposite of whatever Trump is about,” said Stewart.

FOX News Announces Merger With Comedy Central

FOX News Announces Merger With Comedy Central

NEW YORK CITY, New York – 

Fox News has announced a shock merger with Comedy Central, saying that the comedy channel gets most of their laughs out of Fox anyway. For years, Jon Stewart’s Daily Show has been using gaffes from the right-wing news outlet as satire, and many of the sitcoms also get their ridiculous situations from real events which have happened on the Fox News set, leading to them being considered Comedy Central’s “feeder” channel.

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“We are very pleased that this partnership will finally be made official,” Fox News CEO Roger Ailes wrote in a press release. “There’s been a lot of speculation over the years, and a lot of hurt feelings when our channels have been at odds – especially when Comedy Central has not credited our reporters for their content. Now those differences can finally be put to rest.”

Jon Stewart, who has based much of his show on blasting Fox News’s biased coverage, has responded to the news by expressing his disappointed that this is only happening now that he is leaving.

“I have had some fun times working with the clowns from Fox News,” he said soberly on his Daily Show. “Many of the best episodes involved in-house interviews with characters like Bill O’Reilly. I feel I’ve really missed out.”

Doug Herzog, the president of Viacom Media Networks who own Comedy Central, expressed his delight at the long-awaited merger.

“It’s been a dream of ours for many years,” he said. “Operations will be much smoother now that our biggest allies are openly working on our side. Both Fox News and Comedy Central will maintain a level of separateness, but now fake news such as The Daily Show will be part of the Fox News branch, and Fox and Friends, which doesn’t even pretend to be news, will be part of the Comedy Central branch.”

Brian Williams Eyed To Replace Jon Stewart On ‘The Daily Show’

Brian Williams Eyed To Replace Jon Stewart On 'The Daily Show'

 

NEW YORK CITY, New York – 

In recent weeks, NBC Nightly News anchor Brian Williams has come under fire after admitting to having lied about an incident in which he was shot down in a helicopter in Iraq. More of the journalist’s anecdotes have since come under fire, including a story of being held at gunpoint as a teenager, and flying with the undercover SEALS Team 6 into Baghdad.

But latest reports indicate that the disgraced journalist may have had an endgame in sight. After Jon Stewart announced his retirement from The Daily Show on Tuesday night, Williams has told press that he’s accepted an interview for the funny-man position as host of the Comedy Central nightly satire.

“Brian is the perfect person to replace Jon Stewart,” said former Daily Show correspondent John Oliver. “He spent 10 years on the Nightly News, proving that he can remain a stable host, even while reporting mostly made up stories. What’s more, he now has years of material for self-deprecating comedy. It’s ingenious.”

NBC executives have denied reports, stating that “although he has been suspended without pay, Brian Williams is still contracted to us. We now know that he is an arrogant liar and, well, a total douchebag, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s our douchebag.”

Williams himself was enigmatic. When he coincidentally passed by CNN offices, he took the opportunity to tell reporters about his personal experience on the original series of The Daily Show.

“I was  Jon Stewart’s first interview. It was back in 1998, and I had inside info into the arrest of former Chilean dictator Augusto Pinochet. You see, not only was I there, but I actually clamped the handcuffs around his wrists. It was one of the greatest privileges of my career, even better than taking the first blow at the Berlin Wall, and being the only surviving passenger from that 4th hijacked plane in the 9/11 attacks. So I told Jon Stewart all the funny things that Pinochet had said. Oh, how we laughed.”

At time of press, footage of his Daily Show interview had yet to be located.

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