Brian Williams Eyed To Replace Jon Stewart On ‘The Daily Show’

Brian Williams Eyed To Replace Jon Stewart On 'The Daily Show'


NEW YORK CITY, New York – 

In recent weeks, NBC Nightly News anchor Brian Williams has come under fire after admitting to having lied about an incident in which he was shot down in a helicopter in Iraq. More of the journalist’s anecdotes have since come under fire, including a story of being held at gunpoint as a teenager, and flying with the undercover SEALS Team 6 into Baghdad.

But latest reports indicate that the disgraced journalist may have had an endgame in sight. After Jon Stewart announced his retirement from The Daily Show on Tuesday night, Williams has told press that he’s accepted an interview for the funny-man position as host of the Comedy Central nightly satire.

“Brian is the perfect person to replace Jon Stewart,” said former Daily Show correspondent John Oliver. “He spent 10 years on the Nightly News, proving that he can remain a stable host, even while reporting mostly made up stories. What’s more, he now has years of material for self-deprecating comedy. It’s ingenious.”

NBC executives have denied reports, stating that “although he has been suspended without pay, Brian Williams is still contracted to us. We now know that he is an arrogant liar and, well, a total douchebag, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s our douchebag.”

Williams himself was enigmatic. When he coincidentally passed by CNN offices, he took the opportunity to tell reporters about his personal experience on the original series of The Daily Show.

“I was  Jon Stewart’s first interview. It was back in 1998, and I had inside info into the arrest of former Chilean dictator Augusto Pinochet. You see, not only was I there, but I actually clamped the handcuffs around his wrists. It was one of the greatest privileges of my career, even better than taking the first blow at the Berlin Wall, and being the only surviving passenger from that 4th hijacked plane in the 9/11 attacks. So I told Jon Stewart all the funny things that Pinochet had said. Oh, how we laughed.”

At time of press, footage of his Daily Show interview had yet to be located.

NBC Nightly News Anchor Brian Williams Claims He Shot Osama Bin Laden

NBC Nightly News Anchor Brian Williams Claims He Shot Osama Bin Laden


NEW YORK, New York – 

News reporter Brian Williams, who was recently caught in allegedly lying or embellishing news reports of things he saw on assignment – including those about being shot down in a helicopter during the invasion of Iraq – has made another shocking claim. After what critics have called a ‘lame apology,’ Williams is now saying that while on assignment in 2011 in Pakistan, that he is the one that fired the bullet that killed Osama Bin Laden.

“I was on assignment with the SEALS when we got the green light to take down Bin Laden,” said Williams. “Flying over Pakistan towards the compound, the SEALS were nervous, luckily they all looked up to me, so I just smiled at them and said ‘this is what we train for, boys!’ After landing in the compound, I was the first man through the door, I shot one of Bin Laden’s guards and one of his wives, then I let SEAL Team Six finish the sweep of the first floor.”

Williams claims that he was left alone to check the rest of the building, but that he was happy to do it, because it meant that the SEAL team didn’t have to face would could have been certain death.

“Heading up the stairs, I could see the fear in the eyes of the SEAL team, so I said ‘don’t worry boys, I got this this,’ and headed up alone. When I got to Bin Laden’s room, I kicked in the door and found him hiding in the corner. I just leveled my gun and said, ‘this is for the NBC Nightly News BITCH!’ and put a round between his eyes. I couldn’t have done it without SEAL Team Six, but I feel relieved to finally get it off my chest. It’s just like when I won the medal of honor in Vietnam. Or maybe it was in Korea. Actually, I think it was both. Yeah, it was both. This was just as exciting as that.”

Most viewers say that they feel sorry for Williams, and that he may have some sort of disorder that forces him to lie uncontrollably.

“Personally, I think Brian has a problem, in that he needs to feel important,” said psychologist Mark Cartman, who does not treat Williams. ”I think with years of therapy and some heavy doses of medication, he can get that whole, you know, embellishing problem fixed.”

“What’s next, is he going to tell us he’s Santa Claus?” asked NBC Nightly News buff Carmine Classi. ”Get this meathead off the air, he obviously has no credibility. I’d rather watch the reanimated corpse of Walter Cronkite report the news. That man had class!”



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