‘Steampunk’ Hipster Cuts Off Leg, Replaces It With Fake Copper One


CHICAGO, Illinois – 

A self-proclaimed “Steampunk” fiend and all-around douchey hipster, Mark Andrews, says he cut off his own leg and replaced it with one made of solid brass, copper, and idiotic trinkets and clock wheels.

“See, not everyone understand what being a real steampunk is,” said Andrews, apparently enlightening the world by wearing dumb costumes. “We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of the dreams.”

According to urbandictionary.com, “steampunk” is a lifestyle choice, wherein the participants embrace deliberate anachronism and quasi-anachronism as seen in steampunk fiction. Often characterized by modifying one’s electronic gadgets to make them look a century out-of-date.

“Basically, I like to take cool, new shit, and make it look old and out dated,” said Andrews. “I took it a step further, though. See, part of steampunk is also a bit of pirate, so I went with the peg-leg thing for awhile, but it wasn’t cool enough. So I said to myself, ‘Mark if you’re going to do this, don’t half-ass it.’ So I chopped off my own leg, and now I have a steampunk leg. To be honest, the ladies love it.”


Cowboys RB DeMarco Murray Has Hand Amputated During Surgery To Repair Broken Finger

DALLAS, Texas – Cowboys RB DeMarco Murray Accidentally Has Leg Amputated During Surgery To Repair Broken Finger

Just a few short days ago on December 17th, DeMarco Murray entered a Dallas hospital to have a routine surgery on his ring finger, which was broken during a winning game against the Philadelphia Eagles in week 15. What should have been an easy fix that had Murray back on the field, possibly within days, has become a the player’s worst nightmare, and has left him incapable of ever playing again.

According to reports from Sports News Nightly, Murray’s surgeons accidentally mixed up his charts with that of another patient at the hospital, and when Murray was brought into the operating room, doctors amputated his entire right hand.

“This is extremely, extremely tragic,” said the Dean of Medicine for Dallas Memorial Hospital, Mark Houston. “DeMarco Murray was admitted to our hospital for a routine surgery that would set and fix his broken finger. Unfortunately, during admittance, his medical charts were mixed with those of  another gentleman, who was also admitted at that time, and was having his hand amputated. We are truly, truly sorry for the mix-up. That is all I can say at this point, pending possible legal issues.”

Dallas spokesman Greg Turf said that Murray and the team were completely heartbroken.

“You know, it’s all just part of life’s plan, I guess,” said Murray, with a smile. “How can you really be mad? So I’ll never play again. So I’ll never go long for a pass again. What can you do, you know? Sure, I could take the hospital for everything they’re worth, but it’s only money, right? It’s all just another step towards the inevitable, anyway.” Doctors say that Murray is on extreme amounts of morphine, and that the drug often times creates a feeling of euphoria.

In a bizarre twist, the patient who was scheduled to have the amputation had his finger worked on by surgeons, and a blood clot that had been causing extreme pain in his hand – and, in fact, was the reason for the original need for the amputation – was cured completely.

Design & Developed By Open Source Technologies.