Man In Alabama Uses Legal Loophole To Marry Baby

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DECATUR, Alabama – 

A Decatur man, 47-year-old Mark Perry, has found a legal loophole in Alabama law that will allow him to marry a 19-month-old baby. Perry, a lawyer for more than 20 years, said he discovered the loophole by accident almost a decade ago, but never thought that he, himself, would need it.

“It wasn’t until I met Charlene that I knew, we had to be together,” said Perry. “She’s absolutely the one for me, and there’s no one I’d rather spend the rest of my life with.”

 

The law in Alabama stipulates that a man must be of legal, consenting age to agree to marry, but the poor wording means that a woman could enter into marriage at any age. Because Charlene cannot sign her own name, though, her father will have to give consent and sign for her. Thankfully for Perry, Charlene is the daughter of his law partner, Craig Lewis. Lewis says that he is absolutely “overjoyed” at the thought of his long-time friend marrying his daughter.

“Frankly, I wish that they would have found each other sooner,” said Lewis. “I’ve never seen Charlene so happy before in all of her life. Most of the time, she cries and whines, but not when she’s with Mark. He’s the only one who can calm her down. It’s really amazing, their love is so pure and true.”

The couple are planning a spring wedding.

Man Uses Loophole In Gay Marriage Laws To Wed German Shepherd

AUGUSTA, Maine – Man Uses Loophole In Gay Marriage Laws To Wed German Shepherd

A Maine resident, 34-year-old Charles DeMar, has discovered a loophole in his state’s gay marriage laws that have allowed him to legally wed his 2-year-old German Shepherd mix, Jake. DeMar bought Jake from a shelter a little over a year ago, and he says that they have been inseparable ever since.

“I love Jake more than I have ever loved anyone in the world,” said DeMar, a retail manager for a large big-box chain. “I’m not homosexual, myself. I’ve never really been attracted to any man or woman that I’ve known. When I adopted Jake, I was lonely. I haven’t been lonely since.”

According to the wording of laws in most states where gay marriage has been legalized, a man or woman may marry someone of the same sex, and be granted the same rights and privileges as that of heterosexual couples. The laws in Maine, which voted to legalize same-sex marriages in 2012, are worded slightly differently, allowing DeMar to legally wed his canine pal.

“In Maine, we made the mistake of saying that any male can marry another male, or female can marry female, and be granted the rights of marriage,” said David Klein, a representative for the Maine State Bar Association. “Because it does not say man and man, but rather male and male, Mr. DeMar was able to apply for and receive his marriage license at his local town hall.”

Normally, laws would also be worded to include statements about both parties being mentally fit and able to sign the marriage certificate, which is a legally binding document.

“That wasn’t the case in Maine, either,” said DeMar. “I really looked into a lot before we went through with this. I signed my name, and Jake really did put his paw into some ink and I had him step on the certificate. I think he knows that we’re married. He gave me sloppy kisses right there at the town hall in front of the notary public.”

Officials for the Maine State Attorney General say that they are working with the local and state government agencies to re-word the law as quickly as possible, before anyone else uses the loophole to wed their pets.

“This was an oversight on our part that is bringing us disturbing attention,” said Klein. “You can bet that the laws will be rescinded and changed as quickly as possible.”

“I’m just so happy that I was able to make this happen,” said DeMar. “Unfortunately, Maine state law is extremely strict on the acts of bestiality, so I refuse to elaborate on whether or not we have consummated our relationship. I will say, though, that neither myself or Jake have ever been ones to ‘follow the rules,’ if you know what I mean.”

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