McDonald’s Says ‘Secret Menu’ Item McGangBang To Be Added To Official Menu This Summer

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DELUTH, Mississippi – 

For those in the know, most fast food restaurants have always had a ‘secret menu,’ a place where savvy customers could order crazy items built from other items off the ‘common’ menu. At the top of the list of secret items was McDonald’s McGangBang sandwich, which is the biggest, cheapest, item you can get. The sandwich features a McDouble burger, as well as McChicken, smashed together to form a towering heart attack.

McDonald’s long denied the existence of their secret menu, but in the day of the internet, nothing stays a secret for long. With the McGangBang sandwich becoming public knowledge, and a slew of people beginning to not only order the item, but also post pictures online, McDonald’s has said that they are now going to be putting the item on their official menu.

“We are sad that the internet has ruined our secret menu, but at the same time, we’re happy to offer the McGangBang to all our customers,” said McDonald’s CEO Charles King. “We will be officially releasing the product in August to most locations, and it will still only be $2.00 before tax, the cost it is now when ordered as two separate dollar-menu items.”

 

McDonald’s To Remove Fries From Menu, Plans To Replace Them With Apple Slices

OAK BROOK, Illinois – McDonald's To Remove Fries From Menu, Plans To Replace Them With Apple Slices

McDonald’s President and CEO, Don Thompson, announced earlier today that the fast food giant will be retiring their world-famous French fries from the menu, and replacing them with apple slices.

Thompson, in a statement released to the Associated Press, announced that in order to make meals healthier to millions of customers, that it is time to remove the tasty, yet greasy, fries – no how many customers may love them.

“We know that people love our fries, they are the best around by far. But our customers need to be healthier. It is time for us to stand up and make a change. Starting in the spring, nobody will be able to get fries from McDonald’s, so if you want them, you better come get them now,” Thompson said. “Thankfully, you are able to stock up and save them for later! McDonald’s fries get cold, but never lose any flavor.”

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A medium order of fries from McDonald’s consists of approximately 350 calories, 19 grams of fat, and 45.4 grams of carbohydrates. To those who are conscious of their health, such as Mary Jarboe of Chicago, Illinois, the change is sad but one she says must be made.

“Americans are too fat. Every time I go to a McDonald’s to eat, I see obese customers with a huge pile of fries. That, added to a huge burger or two, it is just a heart attack waiting to happen,” Jarboe said. “Personally, I’m happy to see them go. I hear they’re being replaced with apple slices in all menu items – kind of like the option they give with the Happy Meals now. Whenever I go to McDonald’s, I always order a salad, anyway, so I say no big loss!”

Many customers are very unhappy with the decision, such as longtime loyal customer Gilbert Naismith of Huntsville, Alabama. “I think it’s absurd. Yeah I might be fat, and maybe I shouldn’t be eating the damn things, but God dammit, it is my choice as a tax payer and a free American to eat any greasy, shitty, heart attack causing food that I want! I have the right to freedom of eating whatever I want. It is in the constitution. By God, I want my damn Freedom Fries!” Naismith said.

Company representatives say the fries will be removed from the menu by the end of February.

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