Mike Pence’s Secret GAY Romance REVEALED By Scorned Lover!

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Indiana Gov. Mike Pence listens to a question during a news conference, Tuesday, March 31, 2015, in Indianapolis. Pence said that he wants legislation on his desk by the end of the week to clarify that a new religious-freedom law does not allow discrimination. The law has triggered an outcry, with businesses and organizations voicing concern and some states barring government-funded travel to the Midwestern state. (AP Photo/Darron Cummings)

WASHINGTON, D.C. –

Vice President Mike Pence, a staunch Christian, Conservative, and Republican (in that order), is one of the few people left in this world to a throwback era before homosexuality was, for the most part, legal and accepted. He has previously stepped out against gay marriage, and firmly believes that electro-shock therapy can actually “cure” gay people from their “affliction.”

But all of that seems to have been a front or some sort of clever ruse, because a man has come forward claiming that he is Mike Pence’s scorned lover, and he’s ready to bare it all for the media.

“Mike and I had a relationship for over 15 years, long before he was in the public eye,” said the man, who is speaking anonymously until such time he feels it is right to reveal his identity. “I have letters, photographs, text messages, and…even some risque images that can all be used as proof of our relationship. But this wasn’t all about sex, this was love. I absolutely love him, more than any man I’ve ever met, even know, after he threw me away for politics and a public life.”

The anonymous lover says the romance ended in 2014, a year or so after Pence became governor of Indiana.

“We tried to keep things going, but between his political life, his fake marriage to his wife, and everything else, it was very hard,” said the man. “Of course, I wanted to keep seeing him, but he broke it off, and changed his number. I had no way of reaching him. It still breaks my heart. And it breaks it more every time he says something harsh against the gay community. I know what he’s really thinking, and I see it every time he speaks negatively about us…he’s just doing it to keep a persona, but deep down, he would love to have a dick in or around his mouth again.”

VP Mike Pence Accidentally Electrocutes Himself, Claims He’s Now Gay

pence

WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

Vice President Mike Pence reportedly electrocuted himself accidentally after touching a light switch after getting out of the shower, while still wet. Ironically, the VP now claims that he is homosexual, and has planned a massive “coming out” party at the White House.

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Pence, who has long been known for his completely stupid views on homosexuality and believing that it can be cured via electro-shock therapy, is now referring to himself as “a big, flaming fag,” and says he’s never been happier.

“Oh my God you guys, being gay is so wonderful and amazing. I mean, I wanna say I told you so, ’cause if I’m gay just from getting shocked, there’s no WAY that shocking couldn’t cause the opposite effect, ya know?” said Pence in a fun, sing-song voice. “But, you know, I’m just too damn giddy to even consider being negative like that. I’m the first gay man in power since Elton John’s Tiny Dancer was #1 on the charts. Ohh, baby!”

The gay community, which is normally very happy when a major celebrity comes out, has withdrawn from Pence’s announcement, and calls it “truly stupid.”

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