WASHINGTON, D.C. –
Vice President Mike Pence reportedly electrocuted himself accidentally after touching a light switch after getting out of the shower, while still wet. Ironically, the VP now claims that he is homosexual, and has planned a massive “coming out” party at the White House.
Pence, who has long been known for his completely stupid views on homosexuality and believing that it can be cured via electro-shock therapy, is now referring to himself as “a big, flaming fag,” and says he’s never been happier.
“Oh my God you guys, being gay is so wonderful and amazing. I mean, I wanna say I told you so, ’cause if I’m gay just from getting shocked, there’s no WAY that shocking couldn’t cause the opposite effect, ya know?” said Pence in a fun, sing-song voice. “But, you know, I’m just too damn giddy to even consider being negative like that. I’m the first gay man in power since Elton John’s Tiny Dancer was #1 on the charts. Ohh, baby!”
The gay community, which is normally very happy when a major celebrity comes out, has withdrawn from Pence’s announcement, and calls it “truly stupid.”