PHOENIX, Arizona –
Arizona woman Danielle Persephone has been pronounced dead after being struck by a personal drone, in the first incident of its kind. The drone had been procured to gratuitously film scenes of thirty-something year old mothers drinking tea and eating cocktail sandwiches at a birthday party for one of four year old children.
Paramedics arrived promptly, but were not able to resuscitate the mother of two, and pronounced her dead on the scene.
“We’ve been expecting something of it’s kind for years now,” said ambulance driver Ray Harrington. “Drones on private properties, controlled by inept dads trying to impress their jaded families, have always promised disaster. Remember that hilarious video of that groom being hit in the face at his wedding? That had me laughing for days.”
A close friend of the deceased released a statement lamenting the loss. “Danielle will be missed by her two sons – or are they daughters? – as well as her husband, or wife, or ex, or whoever it was she used to bring to these things. I am sure I speak for every one of her friends in saying that this is a tragedy we will gossip about for many years to come.”
The incident will reignite debate on the safety of utilizing technology created for the purpose of bringing death to the enemies of the free world.
“Drones are indicative of Obama’s presidency,” said Republican senator, Dick Howard. “Now they’re a threat to innocent American citizens. I’m a big advocate of the 2nd amendment, but this is going too far.”