WASHINGTON, D.C. –
President Obama has been pied!
The incident occurred after a meeting with the American Muslim Leaders in the Roosevelt Room. As the President exited the office, a still unidentified man ran up to the President and slapped pie platter on the side of the President’s head.
A Secret Service officer quickly subdued the man, but only after the pieing had occurred. The individual has been taken to a secure location for questioning.
The Obama administration’s Secret Service has been under heavy scrutiny following a series of failings. There was the shooting at the White House over the summer, followed by a drone being able to fly onto the grounds. Now, the Secret Service is once again under fire and will be left on high-alert for weeks.
“I am not allowed to speculate on the reasoning or nature of the attack,” said a secret service spokesperson. “I will state that the pie has been examined, and it was cleared of any poisons. We are now pulling out all the stops regarding check points and security around the perimeter. As an added precaution, all White House chefs have now lost baking privileges until further notice.”
The confection that struck the president was not a cream or berry pie as one might expect. Instead, it was a Spinach, Meat, and Cheese Pie. These pies are most commonly found in the Middle East, and have left some speculating what the deeper meaning is.
The White House Press Secretary released a brief statement regarding the president’s health.
“The President would like to assure the American people that he is both fine, and that the pie was quite tasty. He said he only wished the man had handed him the pie, rather than waste so much of it that was lodged deep within the President’s ear.”