Law Firm With Unfortunate Name Declares Bankruptcy

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PITTSBURGH, Pennsylvania –

What’s in a name?  Unfortunately for one Pittsburgh area law firm containing an unintentionally success-killing message, the answer is: everything.

The personal injury law firm of Bleedom, Drye & Rhunn, closed its doors last week and filed for Chapter 7 Bankruptcy after recent efforts to expand its client base fell short.

“I knew from the start that we shouldn’t have gone with alphabetical order,” said Patricia Bleedom, former partner in the recently shuttered law practice.  “Truth be told, we tried all kinds of naming combinations, but none of them seemed to work.  ‘Drye Rhunn’ was on the table for a bit, but with a name like that, it sounded like we weren’t ready to practice law, when in fact, we have over 45 years of combined experience!”

Partner Maxine Drye was the first to recommended a simple name change earlier this year when business began to taper off.  “I came up with ‘Rhunn Partners’ but decided it sounded too much like sportswear.  ‘The Drye Group’ was just, I don’t know – it just sounded sad.  ‘Bleedom Limited Partners’ made me think of a commuter rail line, or something surgical,” she recalled.  “We were going in circles.”

“We also considered ‘Rhunn Drye,’ she continued, “but that was like saying we couldn’t come up with any winning strategies for our clients.  ‘Drye Bleedom’ didn’t sound approachable enough.”

“There was way too much talk about renaming the firm,” said LaVerne Rhunn.  “We were wasting valuable time better spent chasing down accident victims and finding people who were maimed or injured on the job.  I guess all that stationery we ordered is going to be used for scrap,” she mused, packing the remaining contents of her desktop into a shoebox.  “We had a good run,” said Rhunn.

It’s not easy in the best of times to keep a business going,” commented Bleedom, “and with this economy, no matter how many clients you get who’ve suffered from medical side effects such as unwanted hair growth, impotence, insomnia, partial hearing loss, tinnitus, female ‘male pattern baldness,’ uncontrollable muscle movements, dropsy, temporary blindness, birth defects, itching, fever, rash, impotence, sneezing, congestion, wheezing, reverse asthma, high blood pressure, constipation and dry mouth, you reach a point where it’s just no fun anymore.”

So what’s next for Patty, Maxine, and LaVerne?

“We’ll probably do something together again, business-wise,” said Bleedom.  We work so well together.  The thing I’ll miss the most is the camaraderie – we had good harmony together.”

Drye looks forward to the change.  “I’m always up for new challenges,” she said.  And if these 2 gals over here want to try for something, I’m in!” she exclaimed, all smiles, with just a hint of sadness.

Rhunn was more philosophical about the turn of events.  “Maybe it’s time to take a little step back and reexamine things,” she said.  “I’ve always wanted to take up sculpting.  Maybe I’ll try that.  All I know is, when I’m through packing up, I’m going home, burying my head in a pint of Häagen-Dazs, turning off my phone, and catching up on my shows!”

Pittsburgh Steelers Give Tryout To First Female Player

PITTSBURGH, Pennsylvania – Pittsburgh Steelers Tryout First Female Player

It used to be that women in the NFL were cheerleaders. Until recently, there has been a few novelty football leagues such as the Women’s Lingerie Football League (LFL) or the Independent Women’s Football League (IWFL); however, much like Women’s Basketball there is not much of an audience for these games. Other than the occasional “wardrobe malfunction” with the LFL, there really is not much excitement to these games.

With the recent ‘War on Women’ in the political arena, the NFL has decided to take a serious request in considering allowing female players in the NFL, when a request from 24-year-old Kaitlyn Saunders of Erie, PA arrived at St. Vincent College in Latrobe Pennsylvania requesting to try out as a kicker.

“I felt bad, but I told her this was the practice field and we don’t hold walk-on tryouts,” said Dan Calbright, spokesman for the Steelers coaching staff.

Traveling with her father and brother, Kaitlyn made the three hour trek just for a chance to try on the Black and Gold.

“I played soccer for years and I can really put a good boot on the ball,” Kaitlyn said with a toothy smile.

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“She’s got a real strong leg,” her brother, Todd Saunders reported. “We were goofin’ off and she actually made a 53 yard goal.” Kaitlyn’s father backed up the story and stated they had her do it several times just to make sure it wasn’t a fluke.

A spokesman for Roger Goodell, NFL commissioner, stated they would give consideration to Kaitlyn pending an evaluation from Pittsburgh’s special teams coach, Danny Smith. When word of Kaitlyn’s skills made it back to Art Rooney, she was invited back to the Steeler’s main practice facility on Pittsburgh’s south side where she met with Danny Smith and the rest of the special team coaches.

“She’s an outstanding kicker and clearly has a strong leg,” Dan Smith reported. “She made a 58-yard kick at our south side facility.” Kaitlyn was 12 for 16 on the day during her invitational workouts, missing two from 45 yards out that she simply didn’t get enough lift on. They were knocked down by a net that is set up for the drill to ensure proper height. Kaitlyn also missed one from 50 yards out and another from 40 yards away.

Coach Smith gave no indication as to whether or not they would recommend Kaitlyn for an actual combine try out, however Roger Goodell’s office is making the consideration a possibility. When asked about drafting such a player, Danny Smith said, “If she’s invited to the combine I’d give her some serious consideration.”

“I’m just hoping that I can open up a couple barriers for the NFL next season,” said Kaitlyn. “They’ve seen what I can do, and now we’ll play the waiting game.”

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