SILICON VALLEY, California –
Does Google know something we don’t? There has been mass panic about a possible Planet Of The Apes future after searches for “who runs the world?” input into the world’s largest search engine has been redirecting users to pictures of monkeys.
The man responsible for unveiling this grim reality, Garrett Johnson, explains how he stumbled upon his findings.
“I was searching for that Beyonce song, ‘Who Runs the World,’ because I hadn’t heard it in a while, and had forgotten the answer. What I found sent me into a bit of a panic – I thought maybe Queen B had been turned into a monkey or some such thing.”
Tech expert Findo Mashwa played down the possibility of monkey domination. “If Google knew about it,” he said, “they’d certainly do something – probably buy the monkeys out for absurd sums of money. I have perfect faith in the company with access to all the important information in my life.”
An unnamed Google exec moved to calm the public, in a statement that was released to the press.
“Speaking on behalf of Google, I apologize profusely for the confusion caused. The answer to who runs the world is certainly not monkeys. However, that is the correct answer to the popular query of who runs the fur trade in Argentina.”
Some were still sceptical, especially once it was revealed that searching for “fur trade+Argentina” brought up pictures of beavers.
“Something doesn’t add up,” said Google user Mark George. “All I know is, if monkeys end up ruling the world, they’d better keep their stinking paws off me. Damn dirty apes.”