Couple Who Won $1B Powerball Jackpot Found Dead In Their Home In Apparent Murder/Suicide

Posted on February 8, 2016 by Bob The Empire News Potato

PHOENIX, Arizona –

Mary and George Ripkin of Phoenix, Arizona, were found dead in their home Monday morning after a neighbor called 911, reporting that they heard gunshots coming from inside the home. The Ripkins recently won the largest jackpot in history, which netted the couple over a half a billion dollars once split between other prize winners.

“I hear a couple of people yelling, then a gunshot, then everything was silent,” said a neighbor, Felicia McGregor. “I couldn’t quite make out what they were saying, but I did hear them talking about whether to get a yacht or just buy an island.”

According to police, George McGregor shot his wife, and then hung himself in the family den. A Facebook status that he left stated that they were going to donate all the money they had won to a lucky winner who shared, liked, or commented on the post. As of the time of this writing, the post had been shared more than 2.6 million times, although lawyers for the couple say that the post does not constitute a legally binding contract, and no one will be getting the money for sharing the post.

Psychic Assaulted After Refusing To Divulge Winning Powerball Numbers

Posted on January 11, 2016 by Bob The Empire News Potato

DOVER, Colorado –

After Sarah “Moonbeam” Morris told Ricky Murphy to “go get a fortune cookie” when he demanded Saturday’s winning Powerball numbers, she was allegedly assaulted with a crystal ball. Moonbeam says she did not see it coming, but her guides had warned her to expect a visit from someone with desperate financial troubles earlier that day.

“The messages are vague sometimes. Think of communication from the other side like a bad cell connection. It can be a bit choppy,” says Moonbeam.

The longtime psychic says Murphy came in for a reading, at first venting that he was down, and then becoming agitated when she “refused” to give him the winning Powerball numbers. He then picked up a large quartz crystal ball, used for readings, from her table, and struck her twice over the head.

“My life purpose lies in helping others find the pathway to healing and happiness through the gift of psychic and intuitive counseling- not asking my spiritual guides for lottery numbers.”

She claims her spiritual guide did give her his license plate number though, which she gave police. Police later picked Murphy up at the Grand Dump Chinese Buffet. He is being charged with aggravated assault and leaving the scene of a crime.

Lottery Officials Say Homeless Texas Man Winner Of $500M Powerball Jackpot

Posted on February 12, 2015 by Bob The Empire News Potato

AUSTIN, Texas –

A homeless man, identified as 63-year-old Harry Mills has reportedly won the $500 million jackpot in the Powerball lottery game, one of the largest jackpots in the history of the tickets.

According to game officials, Mills turned in the ticket in Austin at the lottery offices early Thursday morning.

“At first, we thought another random bum had wandered in, thinking we were a bar, or looking to wash himself in our bathroom sink, but Mr. Mills came in and walked right over to our secretary, Jane, and said ‘I’ve won, and I want the money!'”

Mills said that he did not purchase the winning ticket, and like most of his possessions, it was found in the garbage on the streets of Austin.

“Yup, found it just sitting in a stack of newspapers and rags on Tuesday night,” said Mills. “At first I almost put it into my pile of ‘things to use as toilet paper,’ but the I noticed the date, and that it hadn’t been drawn yet. I figured it would be wise to at least wait until the pick the numbers, and then I could wipe my ass with it.”

Fortunately for Mills, he held onto the ticket, and according to lottery officials, he is entitled to the money.

“Where someone gets a winning ticket is not our concern, unless a crime was reported in the process of obtaining, such as an armed robbery,” said lottery spokesperson Joan Allan. “Because this ticket was simply lost or discarded, Mr. Mills is entitled to the winnings.”

“This means a whole better life for me,” said Mills. “I can move out of my box in the alley off 3rd street, and I can get a bigger box off of 9th and Broadway. I don’t have a bank account, so I guess I’ll just get one of those big bags with the giant money symbol on it, and I’ll put it in my shopping cart. But oh, I’m definitely getting a new one of those, too! God, this is the greatest thing that’s happened to me since I took up drinking!”