VATICAN CITY –
Pope Francis was caught stealing food that had been placed behind the Vatican for homeless last night, causing many to decry him as “evil.”
According to Vatican Police, the footage was retrieved from a security camera system on March 18th, and showed the Pontiff stealing a plate of food that had been donated by local restaurants and left for the city’s homeless. The Pope, when questioned about this act, seemed very shaken.
“I was not stealing it. I have much food available to me. I was merely, um…I wanted them to have a good, hot meal,” said Pope Francis. “I was going to heat it in the holy microwave to make sure that any homeless that ate it would be happy.”
Police are not buying the explanation, but are forced by law, to ignore it completely.
“Unfortunately, there isn’t much we can do here,” said Vatican Police Captain Leonardo DiSuza. “His Holiness is definitely lying, but he is the end-all, be-all here in the city. It’s not like he is going to jail or anything. He won’t even get a slap on the wrist.”
Public opinion of the Pope has so far not been damaged, as most people don’t care at all about the homeless, especially homeless in Rome.