Trump Criticizes Sanders For Making Donations To Charities

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WASHINGTON, D.C. –

Donald Trump has been mocking competitor Bernie Sanders in the media the last few days, claiming that Sanders is a “pussy” and a “wimp” for donating to charities and not bragging about it publicly.

“When I become president we will stop foreign aid. In fact the first thing I plan on stopping is government funded cell phones. Yes, the program may have been initiated to spy on citizens, but it is not worth the charity,” said Trump. “Sanders may want to give all this money to stupid places like the Salvation Army or the Veterans Fund, but I am trying to save money. And not just mine, either. Also the country’s money. The taxpayer money.”

Sanders, for his part, has not commented on Trump’s rants, although he did say that he is “happy” to share any information with anyone about his donations, he just doesn’t “feel the need to brag.”

Habitat For Humanities Funding Cut; Charity To Begin Building Trailers Instead of Houses

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ATLANTA, Georgia – 

Habitat For Humanities, who have been building houses for needy families for years announced today that their funding has been cut by over 70%, and that donations have slowed to a trickle in the last 6 months.

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“We’re not sure if we’re going to be able to continue at this rate, but so far, what we’ve decided is that we cannot let families go without a home,” said Habitat president Joanne Miller. “With that in mind, we’ve come up with a cheap alternative, and we have started building modular trailers for our families in need. They’re smaller, and probably a little trashier, but at least it has four walls and a roof.”

Miller says that she hopes that at some point donations start coming back in, but she’s not hopeful.

“It’s very hard to get people to want to donate money to have a house built for someone,” said Miller. “I mean, in all seriousness, I don’t even have my own house, you know? People don’t see it as a real need, because they’re struggling to pay their rent or mortgage, and here we are asking for money to give someone else a free house. It’s hard.”

So far, since funding was cut, Habitat for Humanities has built 3 new trailers in the Atlanta region, with plans on having at least 2 more done by year’s end.

President Obama’s Birth Certificate Sells For $3.4 Million At Auction

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Obama's Birth Certificate Sells For $3.4 million At Auction

At a political fundraising auction Monday night, the only known copy of President Obama’s birth certificate sold for a whopping $3.4 million dollars to a private bidder. The bids from Rush Limbaugh and Donald Trump both fell short in a bidding war that raised money for the DNC. Speculation as to who actually was the highest bidder ranges from ultra-liberal George Soros, to the Republic of China. 

“I don’t know who bought my birth certificate, nor do I care, although I’m sure conservative conspiracies theories will keep FOX NEWS busy for months to come,” said President Obama. “The reason I’m here today is to announce a new alliance with Iran. I am lifting all restrictions on their nuclear enrichment programs. After talking to Iran’s Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei, I have decided that he has many valid points, and he has convinced me on his views of the holocaust being a lie, and that the Jews are the root of all evil in the world. On Khamenei advice, the United States will no longer recognize the State of Israel and I will stand with him in declaring Israelis as unlawful occupiers of the holy land. I would like to stress my changed stand on Iran has nothing to do with my birth certificate. Khamenei is just a very well-spoken person who has changed my mind on some things. He certainly didn’t buy my birth certificate and is blackmailing me with its information, and anyone who says otherwise is a racist.”

“It is clear our country has just been sold to the highest bidder,” said Republican talk radio show host Rush Limbaugh. ”President Hussein Obama has signed a death certificate for our closest friends, the Israelis, just to protect his dirty little secret that he is not a natural-born citizen. Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States is being blackmailed by a foreign government. It should’ve been me who won the bidding, and then this wouldn’t be happening. I told Trump we should pool our money and team up in the bidding, but that guys ego is bigger than his buildings.”

 

Teenage Girl Dies of Hypothermia After Taking Part In ‘Ice Bucket Challenge’

BOSTON, Massachusetts – Teenage Girl Dies of Hypothermia After Taking Part In 'Ice Bucket Challenge'

Seventeen-year-old Latasha Johnson died last night after taking part in the ‘Ice Bucket Challenge,’  according to Boston Police Department spokesperson Cheryl Fiandaca.

“It is with sadness and regret that we have indeed ruled this a very tragic, unimaginable accident,” said Fiandaca. “Ms. Johnson was simply trying to help raise money for ALS along with her friends, but she went into hypothermia after pouring a bucket of ice water over her head, and then not changing out of her wet clothes for several hours. The hypothermia went untreated and unfortunately resulted in her death, autopsy pending.”

Latasha Johnson and her friends, all soon-to-be seniors at Cristo Rey Boston High School, were taking part in the challenge with the intentions of raising money for ALS. One of the friends, eighteen-year-old Naomi Sanchez, told police that they all dumped buckets of ice water over their heads at the same time while another friend recorded video of the incident on her cell phone. Sanchez said that all the girls were laughing at Johnson who had been shivering for more than two hours afterwards and eventually fell asleep, so they just left her there on a chair in the backyard.

It was not until it was discovered that Johnson began to look very pale that the others decided to call 911. Sadly, it was too late, and Johnson had succumbed to hypothermia.

“The Boston Police Department and several medical experts studied several videos captured by the friends diligently. One video was from the actual challenge, when they dumped the water over their heads, and others were taken while the girls laughed at Johnson shivering over the next couple hours,” Fiandaca said. “Some of the videos were posted online but have since been removed, and all cell phones were confiscated for the pending investigation of criminal intent.”

Police are investigating the idea that the other girls teased Johnson into staying in her wet clothes, freezing, while they all were ‘allowed’ to change their clothes. Reports say that videos posted to YouTube by the girls showed they had all changed into dry clothes or new bikinis, while Johnson did not.

The Ice Bucket Challenge has become a viral sensation over the last couple of weeks, started by former Boston College baseball player Pete Frates, who was diagnosed with amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, also know as ALS, and most commonly Lou Gehrig’s Disease. Frates and his family started the movement via Facebook and Twitter as a creative way to spread ALS awareness throughout social media, often using the hashtag #IceBucketChallenge. It has since gone viral and has spiked ALS donations by over 1000% since July 31st.

“This is a ‘creative’ way to spread ALS awareness via social media and in communities nationwide,” said Barbara Newhouse, President and CEO of The ALS Association just days ago.  “We thank Pete Frates and his family for getting so many people involved in spreading the word about ALS.”

After posting their ice bucket videos to social media, participants nominate others to take the plunge and keep the cycle going. If those challenged don’t accept within 24 hours, they’re asked to donate to the ALS Association.

The Ice Bucket Challenge has been accepted by many celebrities such as Ethel Kennedy, who has since challenged President Obama to take part. Matt Lauer did it live on the Today show, and Martha Stewart, New England Patriots wide receiver Julian Edelman, Boston Mayor Marty Walsh, and many others have all taken part in the challenge.

The parents of Latasha Johnson ask the public to not let their daughter die in vain.

“She was just trying to raise money for this incredible cause. She loved people and, unfortunately, loved the dumb things she saw on the internet. She never knew how dangerous this stunt count be. Please, we beg you to donate to the ALS Association on her behalf. Let her good deed have meaning,” said her grief-stricken father, Mohana Johnson.

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