Stephen King Says That His Next Book Will Be A Romantic Comedy

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Stephen King To Revolutionize Book Industry; New Novel To Published Exclusively On Live Horses

BANGOR, Maine – 

Stephen King is one of the best-selling writers of all time, with every single one of his 57 novels becoming #1 New York Times best sellers. The author has said, though, that his next book will be a huge change from his normal dark, scary, and personal stories. His next novel will be a romantic comedy.

“I’ve been writing horror and drama for so long, that I really feel like I need to change things up,” said King from his home in Bangor, Maine. “I’ve been the master of the macabre for as long as I can remember, and I think with my next outing, I want to become the King of the Kissing, or something.”

King, who is best known for his horror stories including It, Misery, and Pet Sematary, says that some of his all-time favorite movies are romance or comedies, and that trying his hand at writing a “different” kind of novel will hopefully stretch his imagination to places it hasn’t gone before.

“I love all types of media, and I love all kinds of genres,” said King. “Comedies, romance, horror, sci-fi, action – I read them all, I go to see movies of all of them, and I watch TV shows in every genre. The one thing I’ve never done is try to take my love of multiple genres and really release something I can honestly say is not personal piece. This next book will be that piece.”

Kanye Reportedly Leaves Kim Kardashian For Caitlyn Jenner

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LOS ANGELES, California – 

In an extremely bizarre turn of events, hip hop mogul and the internet’s favorite punching bag Kanye West has reportedly left his wife, Kim Kardashian, for her former step-father Caitlyn Jenner. According to reports, West and Jenner met during the filming of Jenner’s reality show, I Am Caitlyn, last year, and have been secretly meeting ever since.

Insiders report that Jenner and West have been secretly meeting in between her tapings of the latest episodes of her series, and that over time they have “fallen in love.”

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“I am absolutely obsessed with Kanye, and with good reason. He’s gorgeous, talented, and he’s the only person in the world who I could honestly say is more self-absorbed than I am,” said Caitlyn Jenner. “It’s a shame; I never meant to wreck Kim’s marriage, but sometimes, love just blossoms.”

The usually mouthy West has remained mum on the subject of his new relationship, but his wife, Kim Kardashian, has reportedly been extremely vocal of her husband’s “misguided feelings.”

“Clearly it’s been awhile since he’s seen me naked, or else this wouldn’t be happening,” said Kardashian. “I don’t know how that is, since I literally just tweeted a nudie the other day. Hell, it was Facebook trending. How could he have missed it? I don’t understand. What does Caitlyn have that I don’t ha–…Oh, never mind.”

Tony Bennett, Lady Gaga Announce Music Collaboration, Wedding Plans

NEW YORK, New York – Tony Bennett, Lady Gaga Announce Music Collaboration, Wedding Plans

Legendary crooner Tony Bennett and pop sensation Lady Gaga shocked fans and industry types alike when they announced their engagement during a press conference promoting their upcoming album of jazz duets.

“She makes me feel so young!” gushed Bennett, 87.  Gaga, 28, appeared smitten during the press conference and said “Tony has been the biggest surprise in my life so far. And by biggest – well, I think you know what I mean.”

Both artists expressed genuine surprise that their mutual admiration grew into something more profound.  The two began collaborating on the new project earlier this year, and are currently taping an upcoming television concert special which will coincide with a fall wedding.

“One afternoon we were sitting in the studio listening to a playback,” remarked Gaga, “and out of the blue, Tony turned to me and asked if I’d like to go for an early bird special at one of his favorite restaurants, or “joints,” as he put it.  From then on, things just blossomed.”

“That’s how it was, yes siree, that’s just how it was,” remarked Bennett, smiling and tapping his foot for emphasis.  “She’s quite a gal, yes siree, that’s what she is all right, quite a gal.  It’s like Bogie and Bacall all over again, and I was friends with both of those two.  Yes siree, that’s how it was.”

“That’s what it’s really all about, I mean the things we have in common.  I love Bogart and Bacall movies, too,” said Gaga.  “That’s just one example of things we share together.  There are so many other things too, and it just seems like this amazing thing was written in the stars for both of us.”

“Hey!” interjected Bennett, “We should sing that song on our new album, due out in the fall – Written In The Stars, an old Harold Arlen tune that I enjoy and I hope you’ll enjoy too!”  Bennett tapped his foot for emphasis.

I think the old standards are the best,” added Gaga, “but don’t worry — I’m not getting too far away from my current roots that my Little Monsters have come to know me for!”

“I thought you told me you didn’t have any kids!” joked Bennett, sending the room of assembled journalists into hearty laughter.

“That’s another thing,” said Gaga.  “His sense of humor is so, so unpredictable!”

When pressed for details about dates and details for the upcoming wedding, Bennett remarked “Hold your horses, kids, this crazy scene is all new to us.  Yes siree, that’s what it is all right, crazy scene.  All new.”

The couple waved good-bye and walked hand-in-hand to attend an awaiting reception in their honor, hosted by television and recording executives.

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