SAN DIEGO, California –
A San Diego woman, Julie Clarke, 30, was arrested on possible beastiality charges after her baby, who was born almost 9 weeks premature, was delivered and had facial features of an elephant.
“We are extremely excited and immensely disturbed that this child was born,” said Dr. Emmett Brown of the San Diego Medical Center. “Excited because it would be the first case of a sort of ‘natural’ gene combing, forming a new species. We are disturbed because the only way that this baby could have been made was because his mother had sex with an elephant.”
Clarke, who happens to be an employee at the San Diego Zoo, says that she didn’t have sex with an elephant, although she does say that she has no idea who the father of her baby is.
“I was going through a bit of a phase late last year into the beginning of this year,” said Clarke. “I was pretty much screwing anything that moved. I had just gotten out of a bad relationship, so it’s what you do, you know? I think I’d remember having sex with an elephant though. Wouldn’t I? I mean seriously? I drank a ton at that point, but…Oh God, did I fuck an elephant and forget about it?”
Doctors are working closely with police investigators to see if Clarke should be charged with beastiality, or if some other sort of genetic malfunction caused the elephant face of the baby.
“One thing is certain, though, regardless of whether Ms. Clarke remembers having sex with an elephant,” said Dr. Brown. “The elephant, wherever he is, definitely remembers. After all, an elephant never forgets.”