Viral Teens Who Spelled Racial Slur With T-Shirts Forced Into Protective Custody

Posted on January 29, 2016 by Bob The Empire News Potato

DESERT VISTA, Arizona –

Outrage has spread across the country, directed at the six Desert Vista high schoolers who spelled out a racial slur with letters on their t-shirts during a school photo day. Parents of the six say they fear for the lives of their daughters, and have decided it would be best to put them in protective custody.

While the girls received five days suspension from school, many feel they are being let off too easy and are threatening to take justice into their own hands. One anonymous internet troll has said, “Five days suspension. Nigga please. When I see them they gonna get beat down.”

Members of the community have also turned against the girls. “I don’t think they need extra protection after the disgrace they have brought upon Desert Vista. We are a fine community who knows racial slurs should only be used in certain company and do not belong on social media,” says Jean Wilder, a concerned citizen. “It is not acceptable to say anything bad about black people in public in this day and age – only Muslims, because most are members of ISIS.”

Superintendent Dr. Kenneth R. Baca, has said “They’re just dumb. They would have spelled any bad word they could. Just because it happened to be the N-word does not mean they’re bad kids. Their parents ask forgiveness of all the African-Americans that were offended, and beg them to please not be packing heat if they come into our neighborhoods. The girls have already changed their identities and left town.”

School Suspends Student For Gun Shaped Birthmark

Posted on March 11, 2015 by Bob The Empire News Potato

MILFORD, Connecticut –

A 13 year-old middle school student was suspended today when a teacher noticed that the boy had a “gun shaped” birthmark on his leg. The boy, whose name was not released at his parents’ request, wore shorts to school for the first time this year, and when the teacher, Charlene Brooks, saw the birthmark on his leg she immediately informed the school principal and superintendent.

“You cannot be too careful in this day and age. We don’t want to promote guns or gun violence in our schools. What if another kid in the class saw that? He might have gotten excited and wanted a gun birthmark, too.” Said Brooks, an English teacher at Milford Jr. High. “I don’t think it’s appropriate in our school.”

Recently throughout the country there has been an excessive amount of “gun paranoia” in schools, with children being suspended or even expelled for things as menial as biting a Pop-Tart into the shape of a gun or even just pointing a finger at someone else and saying “boom,” which is what happened only a few short months ago in Ohion to 10 year-old Nathan Entingh.

“I cannot believe that this is happening to my son.” Said the parent of the suspended student. “This is way too far. He can’t control this. This is completely and utterly absurd. It was 94 degrees here yesterday. Is he supposed to wear pants every day until the end of the school year? Or maybe they want me to chop his leg clean off?”

According to school superintendent Donna Winter, that is exactly what the school expects.

“When [name deleted] returns to school in 4 days, we will still have just about a week left of school. We are expecting that he will continue to wear long pants throughout the school year, and indeed, for the remainder of his schooling here in the Milford School District. Of course, he is always allowed to take the extreme decision of removing his leg entirely. It’s possible that would be best not only for his return to school, but also for his future. We’re talking about guns, here.”

The parents have contacted a lawyer with the American Civil Liberties Union to argue that it is outside of the school’s rights to force only their son to wear long pants. “Either everyone has to wear pants, or my son doesn’t either. We can’t make everyone else have gun shaped birthmarks, so they can’t make him wear pants.”

The family is debating on homeschooling their son for the remainder of his education to avoid any further conflict. It is unclear, at this time, whether or not there will be any police involvement with the student for his “carrying a concealed birthmark.”

Teacher Put On Suspension After Waterboarding Students During Detention

Posted on February 15, 2015 by JP

OKLAHOMA CITY, Oklahoma –

A local high school gym teacher has been temporarily suspended with pay, after reports of him allegedly waterboarding his students while in detention. Keith Evans, 56, may be looking at time behind bars if the charges are to stick, but he claims he was just doing his job by disciplining his students.

“I spent a lot of time in the military and working for the government before becoming a teacher, and that’s how you treated trouble cases,” said Evans, completely disregarding his union representative’s advice to not speak to the press.

Police are convinced Evans learned this technique during his very colorful background in the United States military. They feel that Evans may be ‘numb’ to the idea that waterboarding is harmful, and feel that no matter how the probably pending legal case goes, he will never understand what type of danger he put these students into.

“These kids were liars, cheats, and thieves, and I know that what I did what was right,” said Evans. “It’s not like I killed anyone. And it’s not like I ran the water over their faces for minutes at a time, like we used to do to terror suspects. It was just for a few seconds, just to teach them to wise up a bit. Hell, some of the kids were on the school’s swim team, so not only am I disciplining, them I’m training them for their next swim meet.”

“Honestly, I have no idea what any of this is about,” said Bobby Reynolds, 15. “I was in that detention, and Mr. Evans never bothered any of us. Not at all. We were totally fine, and detention was just quiet and nice. There was no waterboarding or any other torture going on.”

Evans has been put on leave, pending investigation. So far, none of the 14 kids in the detention will admit to any torture. Police think that they may all be too scared of Evans to admit what happened. 3 of the children did report better-than-average times in their last swim meet, though.