13-Year-Old Being Cyberbullied Shuts Down Computer, Goes Outside To Play

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Teenager using smartphone in basketball court.

LAS VEGAS, Nevada –

Bobby Jennings is your average, 13-year-old teen. He enjoys hanging out with friends, going to the movies, posting on Facebook, and has a blog on Tumblr. But 2 months ago, things for Bobby changed drastically.

“I posted a funny picture of my on my Tumblr, and I immediately had a bunch of people calling me ugly, telling me I should kill myself. The hashtagged me as #yousofat, things like that,” said Bobby. “For a minute, I was upset. It got really bad, and I didn’t know what to do.”

“He was devastated that kids were making fun of him, and I didn’t know how to help him,” said Bobby’s mother, Joanne Jennings. “In my day, kids bullied you in the real world, not over the internet. Those were hard times.”

“When my mom told me she used to be bullied, and that she would come home crying every day, it made me sad,” said Bobby. “So It was then that I realized, though, that times for her were different. She was poor growing up, and she couldn’t always afford to do laundry. Sometimes the water was shut off, and she couldn’t shower. She told me all that years ago. But we’re not poor. We have a nice house. I have friends in real life. So it came to me what I should do, and I shut off the computer.”

Bobby says that ever since he shut off the computer, things have been so much better.

“I went outside to play and ride bikes with my friends. We built a tree house. It’s pretty awesome, honestly,” said Bobby. “I’ve felt so much better ever since I got off the internet. I think more kids who are being bullied online should do what I did and, you know, get offline. It’s pretty easy.”

Tumblr Announces Intentions To Delete Accounts Of Feminists, Feminist Supporters

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ATLANTA, Georgia – 

Tumblr, the world’s 4th most popular social media website, is a place where users can repost other people’s pictures and gif images over and over again, while never actually creating any original content. Designed initially as a new style of blog or journal, Tumblr has lately become a haven for the feminist movement, wherein “every single bitch out there thinks she matters.”

“It’s too true, and it’s too sad,” said Tumblr founder Tom Tumble. “I just wanted people to share some funny pictures and write journal entries. Kind of like Livejournal, except relevant. Instead, all I get are nasty, bitchy feminists making posts about how ‘every man is a rapist’ and using stupid, made-up, asshole words like ‘manspreading’ and ‘mansplaining.’ It’s disheartening.”

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Tumble says that he has decided to delete accounts of “known feminists,” and also to warn those who use any hashtag related to the movement of feminism.

“I am not against women being empowered. Many of the people on staff at Tumblr are bright, intelligent women,” said Tumble. “Feminism is something that was needed when women couldn’t vote, or couldn’t marry another woman, or couldn’t marry a man because he was black. All those things, all those rights, are here now. Women should fight for what they want, but what these women on Tumblr want, apparently, is to just be flaming twats.”

Several major feminist users on Tumblr were reached out to for comment, but most of them said they were too busy shopping for thick-rimmed glasses or shaving one side of their head to talk. All of them also said that, as a man, I should stop raping them with my emails.

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