MOUNTAIN VIEW, California –
An unprecedented release from the corporate giant Google hit the tech market just before Valentine’s Day. The dot-com behemoth released a new beta software upgrade for Google Glass+ that allows one to read the thoughts of their significant other’s wants and desires.
“The desire center of the brain is relatively easy to read as compared to other segments of the brain,” Explained Dr. Dasa Sengupta of Google’s neuro-tech labs. “When someone wants or desires a particular item that is within proximity, the pleasure center lights up in a particular series of stimulation. The more one desires an item, the more synapse fires occur within the pleasure center. When this happens, the eyes also dilate and the cheeks and lips become slightly flushed. This is the key to the Glass+ program.”
Google Glass+ now has the capability to detect the slightest pigment change in a “familiar face,” which has been noted by the machine through multiple viewings. Once the Glass+ becomes capable of reading the face, it can note minor changes in the pigment, as well as eye dilation.
“This is a fantastic progress for couples,” noted Marketing Director David Gebner. “We felt Valentine’s day was the perfect time to release the product, as many men struggle to know exactly what their significant other wants for the romantic holidays. Google Glass+ will now at least give them a bit of a nudge in the right direction.”
Update: Google quickly pulled the software only two days after the release, as the product was found to cause more harm to relationships than it did help. An official release stated there were, “A multitude of reports citing couples separating, or getting into physical altercations, after the Google Glass+ noted a partner’s interest in a third party. Future updates will remedy the situation.”
