CUPERTINO, California –
Now that the Apple Watch has officially hit the market, Apple buffs around the world have been clamoring to get their hands on the ridiculously priced item, with many officially hailing it as the greatest piece of wearable technology ever created. But despite its praise, not everyone is excited by it.
“The Apple Watch is a huge piece of shit,” said Android user Rob Gacy. “I can’t imagine why anyone would care to get alerts, texts, and whatever on their wrist. Are Apple users so lazy that they can’t just reach into their pocket and pull out their tiny phone when they get a call? It’s ridiculous.”
“Seriously, I just got to play with an Apple Watch, and it’s a massive piece of shit,” said another Android user, Kyle Gates. “I cannot even for one second imagine wearing this hipster trash. Actually, I guess even hipsters can’t wear it, because if you’ve got tattoos on your arms by your wrist, the damn watch doesn’t work properly anyway. Can you imagine that? Like I said…piece of shit.”
Most Apple users say that they are extremely happy with the device, mostly because they’d feel stupid if they paid the kind of money they did for the watch, only to find out it was abysmal.
“I paid almost a thousand bucks for my watch,” said Apple user Mario Booner. “To be fair, it’s only okay. I can’t even figure out how to get it to tell time, which, you know, makes it kind of non-functional for that. But since it cost so much, I really can’t complain. I’d feel like a damn fool if I did.”
Google, who created the Android operating system and who leads the pack in the world of mobile operating systems, had no comment on the worthlessness of the Apple watch.