Shafig bin Laden, the 57-year-old half-brother of Osama bin Laden, who was born in Hawaii, has announced that he will be running for President of the United States in 2016.
The younger bin Laden, inspired by meeting George W. Bush back in 2001 when Bush told him he had a “strong personality,” says he knows it will be quite difficult to gain the trust of Americans because of name, but that he can be very persuasive.
“I truly believe the American people will learn to accept me and my ideas into their collective hearts,” bin Laden said in a statement released by the Associated Press. “Focus not on my last name, but on the individual that I am. I am nothing like my half-brother. I am an American, I believe in America, something he never accepted.”
The native of Hawaii, who carefully and cautiously refrained from saying his brother’s first name, went on to describe the relationship between the two saying that his “older brother” would pick on him as a teenager for being born in the United States.
“A lot of the hatred he had in his heart for America was because of me. It made him feel inferior and we never got along. He resented that I was from the great U.S. of A,” bin Laden said. “I am my own person, I have my own agenda for the greater good of this beautiful country. Open your hearts, open your guarded minds, please do not prevent the sun from its glorious shine.”
George W. Bush, who is a close personal friend of bin Laden’s, said that he hopes that America will see past the name, and look to the man himself.
“If America could handle me running the White House, then by golly how could they not handle bin Laden?” asked the former president. “He may not look American, but I can surely promise you he’s as proud of this country as anyone. Yes sir, he’s as American as shit on the hooves.”
Bin Laden, who expects a lot of negative feedback, says he will not give up on his quest and that if the people of the United States will not accept him in 2016, he will then seek a seat somewhere in the U.S. Government. “In America we say ‘Go Big or Go Home’, well this is my home, but I must go big anyway. If at first I do not succeed, then I will stand back up and try again and again. America is the land of second chances.”