Mariah Carey Ordered To Pay Nick Cannon $1M Per Month In Child Support

Mariah Carey Ordered To Pay Nick Cannon $1M Per Month In Child Support

LOS ANGELES, California – 

Mariah Carey has been ordered to pay ex-husband, Nick Cannon, one million dollars a month in child support. The ruling comes even though Carey has retained custody of their kids. The money is reportedly for Cannon’s own use.

“It’s always the kids who get hurt most in a divorce, and Cannon is clearly the victim here,” said Judge Tina Walters. “He’s just a small boy, trying to live a functional life in a normal, happy family. And yes, technically the ‘kids’ are living with Mariah. But who needs it more? Poor little Nick does, that’s who.”

Carey will not feel financial pressures from the ruling, as her reported net worth stands at a staggering $510 million. However, the former American Idol judge, which is perhaps the most condescending way of describing this legendary singer, plans to appeal.

“It’s not about the money, it’s a matter of principle,” said close friend, Hilda Hatsley. “Yes, Nick is a child, but he’s not her child. She married him – that’s not the same as adoption. She looked after him, which was never in the marriage contract in the first place. It’s not her job to keep him above water.”

Nick Cannon himself thinks that the order is fair.

“I’m not rich. She’s rich,” the rapper explained, using his words. “Therefore she should give me money. That’s how it works. I’m Robbing Hoodster – that guy in tights. I am the man. I am the man-child. I rock.”

Friends of Cannon have come to his defense.

“Nick’s not a child,” a source told us on condition of anonymity. “He’s a self-made man. Wikipedia calls him ‘an American actor, comedian, rapper, entrepreneur, record producer, and radio and television personality”. That’s a lot of things so kudos to him… Oh, wait, I don’t want to ruin his chances as real money. Er…I was joking about his accomplishments. Nick simply cannot look after himself. He needs all the help he can get.”



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