Mariah Carey Loses ‘Priceless’ Engagement Ring Worth $10 Million


MIAMI, Florida –

Mariah Carey and James Packer’s recently announced their engagement, but Carey could not keep the ring on her finger for more than a few days. After announcing plans for a wedding so lavish it will rival Prince William and Kate’s nuptials, the lovebirds flew to Miami for a pre-wedding honeymoon.

Somewhere on the beach Carey lost her 35-carat diamond engagement ring. Although she recruited people to help her find it, it did not immediately turn up. They couple soon gave up, not wanting to waste the rest of their day. Carey says she hopes a good samaritan will find it and return it to her, since she says it has “some sentimental value.” A reward of $100 has been issued by the couple, and they hope that someone will find it on the beaches of Miami.

Carey’s $4.7 billion dollar man is reportedly not upset by the loss, since the ring was fully insured, and he has enough money to ‘wipe his ass with $100 bills for the rest of his life,’ and still have more money than most people on Earth, according to sources who are friendly with the couple.

The ring was reportedly worth $10 million.

Mariah Carey Ordered To Pay Nick Cannon $1M Per Month In Child Support

Mariah Carey Ordered To Pay Nick Cannon $1M Per Month In Child Support

LOS ANGELES, California – 

Mariah Carey has been ordered to pay ex-husband, Nick Cannon, one million dollars a month in child support. The ruling comes even though Carey has retained custody of their kids. The money is reportedly for Cannon’s own use.

“It’s always the kids who get hurt most in a divorce, and Cannon is clearly the victim here,” said Judge Tina Walters. “He’s just a small boy, trying to live a functional life in a normal, happy family. And yes, technically the ‘kids’ are living with Mariah. But who needs it more? Poor little Nick does, that’s who.”

Carey will not feel financial pressures from the ruling, as her reported net worth stands at a staggering $510 million. However, the former American Idol judge, which is perhaps the most condescending way of describing this legendary singer, plans to appeal.

“It’s not about the money, it’s a matter of principle,” said close friend, Hilda Hatsley. “Yes, Nick is a child, but he’s not her child. She married him – that’s not the same as adoption. She looked after him, which was never in the marriage contract in the first place. It’s not her job to keep him above water.”

Nick Cannon himself thinks that the order is fair.

“I’m not rich. She’s rich,” the rapper explained, using his words. “Therefore she should give me money. That’s how it works. I’m Robbing Hoodster – that guy in tights. I am the man. I am the man-child. I rock.”

Friends of Cannon have come to his defense.

“Nick’s not a child,” a source told us on condition of anonymity. “He’s a self-made man. Wikipedia calls him ‘an American actor, comedian, rapper, entrepreneur, record producer, and radio and television personality”. That’s a lot of things so kudos to him… Oh, wait, I don’t want to ruin his chances as real money. Er…I was joking about his accomplishments. Nick simply cannot look after himself. He needs all the help he can get.”

Mariah Carey Says She Is Pregnant With Michael Jackson’s Baby Thanks To Artificial Insemination

Mariah Carey Says She Is Pregnant With Michael Jackson's Baby Thanks To Artificial Insemination


TRIBECA, New York –

Mariah Carey has issued a shocking announcement this morning via her publicist Antoinette Peterson. “Mariah would like all of her fans and friends know that she is in fact pregnant after successfully being artificially inseminated by the sperm of the legendary Michael Jackson,” Peterson said in an email sent out to various media outlets.

In the years since Jackson’s death in June of 2009, there had been rumors and speculation amongst peers of the music industry that Jackson had routinely had his semen stored and frozen in a secret location. Just recently, his ex-wife Debbie Rowe stated in an interview that she, in fact, knew that Jackson had a dream of creating a ‘super group’ consisting of his unborn children with famous female singers.

“He would always talk about it, and commissioned a firm to collect and store his semen, so he could ‘hire’ his favorite female singers to be inseminated with it,” Rowe said.

It is believed that Carey was asked by Jackson in 2005 to be the mother of his child. Peterson said that Carey was paid a lofty sum by Jackson at an undisclosed time before his death to mother the child before the year 2017, as was agreed upon within the terms of the contract.

Rowe said that she believes there is a lot more of Jackson’s sperm available, and that now that the first mother-to-be has come to surface, that others should begin to come forward as well. “He wanted to re-create his own version of the Jackson 5, but he wanted them to be perfect and to have the right pedigree,” Rowe said. “It would not surprise me if Ms. Carey was signed on for more of these children, as Michael was a huge fan.”

Rumors speculate that other singers Jackson wanted to have father his children include Beyonce, Alicia Keys, and curiously, Janet Jackson.

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