Mariah Carey Says She Is Pregnant With Michael Jackson’s Baby Thanks To Artificial Insemination

Mariah Carey Says She Is Pregnant With Michael Jackson's Baby Thanks To Artificial Insemination


TRIBECA, New York –

Mariah Carey has issued a shocking announcement this morning via her publicist Antoinette Peterson. “Mariah would like all of her fans and friends know that she is in fact pregnant after successfully being artificially inseminated by the sperm of the legendary Michael Jackson,” Peterson said in an email sent out to various media outlets.

In the years since Jackson’s death in June of 2009, there had been rumors and speculation amongst peers of the music industry that Jackson had routinely had his semen stored and frozen in a secret location. Just recently, his ex-wife Debbie Rowe stated in an interview that she, in fact, knew that Jackson had a dream of creating a ‘super group’ consisting of his unborn children with famous female singers.

“He would always talk about it, and commissioned a firm to collect and store his semen, so he could ‘hire’ his favorite female singers to be inseminated with it,” Rowe said.

It is believed that Carey was asked by Jackson in 2005 to be the mother of his child. Peterson said that Carey was paid a lofty sum by Jackson at an undisclosed time before his death to mother the child before the year 2017, as was agreed upon within the terms of the contract.

Rowe said that she believes there is a lot more of Jackson’s sperm available, and that now that the first mother-to-be has come to surface, that others should begin to come forward as well. “He wanted to re-create his own version of the Jackson 5, but he wanted them to be perfect and to have the right pedigree,” Rowe said. “It would not surprise me if Ms. Carey was signed on for more of these children, as Michael was a huge fan.”

Rumors speculate that other singers Jackson wanted to have father his children include Beyonce, Alicia Keys, and curiously, Janet Jackson.

Michael Jackson’s Daughter Paris, 16, Confirms Pregnancy


Michael Jackson's Daughter Paris, 16, Confirms Pregnancy

LOS ANGELES, California – 

After much speculation, Michael Jackson’s 16 year old daughter, Paris, has confirmed that she is pregnant. The announcement comes in the wake of sightings of the teenage Jackson with a burgeoning belly, and recently raising a glass of water instead of wine during a dinner toast.

The child of the deceased singer stated that she had nothing to hide, and that teenage pregnancy is fine, as long as the parents are in love.

Regarding the father, Jackson made the shock announcement that Dr. Conrad Murray is the man who impregnated her. Murray was recently released from prison after 2 years for involuntary manslaughter in relation to the King of Pop’s death.

“I never knew Con while dad was alive,” said Paris. “While he was in prison, I went to speak to him, to find answers. It didn’t start out well. His first words to me were, ‘Hello Parise,” mispronouncing my name in a creepy tone of voice. After a while, he started to fascinate me. I saw the human being inside him.”

Prison authorities are now under pressure to explain how the underage Paris was permitted to sleep with the convict. Harold Pearson gave a press conference contradicting her admissions.

“Paris never entered the prison, let alone slept with the convict. Her words are the obvious delusions of a diseased mind. Such negligence would not occur in such a tightly run establishment. Besides, I’m a big fan of the King’s career. I treated Murray like shit while he was here.”

Despite Conrad Murray denying the accusation, Paris is sticking to her story.

“Of course he denies it. It’s statutory rape. But it happened, and I won’t be silent, as it’s a testament to how such good can come from a bad situation.”

Murray’s lawyer told sources that the doctor will be releasing a cover of the Michael Jackson hit, Billie Jean, replacing the titular character with the Paris’s name.

“He is the one,” Paris responded. “The kid, who I will be naming Comforter, is definitely his son.”

Jackson 5 Reunite for American Tour Featuring Bruno Mars, Michael Jackson Hologram

Jackson 5 Reunite for American Tour Featuring Bruno Mars, Michael Jackson hologram


HOLLYWOOD, California – 

In news that will excite music fans from the 60s-through-80s, the remaining members of the Jackson 5 have announced that they will reunite, touring with Bruno Mars on lead vocals, as well as a hologram of deceased member Michael Jackson.

“We’re all very excited about this,” said Jermaine Jackson, who has only recently re-entered the music scene. “Once Michael died, we thought it was over. And when Randy vowed never to sing with us again, it seemed all but impossible. But Michael is still with us, if only technologically, and Bruno could pass for one of us. Yeah, he’s not really black, but white people won’t know the difference. Never have before.”

Michael Jackson’s hologram, in its first ever statement to the press, agreed with Jermaine’s assessment.

“Back in the day there were purists, who only wanted to hear the original five,” the Hologram said. “Those people are all either dead or too old to care. I’m the only one that people remember by now, anyway. Even I can’t remember the others’ names offhand – I have to search the database Google installed in place of a mind every time I need to make reference to them.”

Bruno Mars blogged his excitement at the privilege of joining the five, saying that he believed it was down to the success of Mark Ronson’s smash hit, “Uptown Funk.”

“I look so cool in that video. I watch it every day, checking out the moves I never knew I had. The King of Pop himself would be envious, if his hologram could experience human feelings.”

The five are expected to start touring in early May, following the three months necessary to teach the hologram to moonwalk.

Doctors Say Michael Jackson’s Amazing Singing Voice Was Result Of Years of Steroid Injections

GARY, Indiana – Shocking Secret to Michael Jackson’s Vocal Talent Revealed

For music critics, Michael Jackson’s impressive vocal range during his adult career has long been a point of contention – specifically how little it had changed since he left The Jackson 5 at the age of eleven. But the mystery may now be solved.

This morning, the King of Pop’s autopsy results quickly went viral after hackers accessed the UCLA Medical Center database, revealing that as a child, Jackson was regularly injected with glucocorticoids for minor asthma. According to a close friend of the Jackson family, his father Joe administered the drug himself, in excessive doses to preserve his son’s singing ability, with an unfortunate side effect – chemical castration.

After turning 18, Jackson halted treatments. But the damage was done. The drug apparently caused a failure to go through puberty and a lack of testosterone production.

“These findings do explain how Jackson’s voice failed to develop, as well as the absence of body hair,” said Jackson’s former physician and cardiologist Conrad Murray. “That man was devoid of hair from head to toe. It was actually really creepy.”

According to self-proclaimed Psychology expert, Anne Landers, “Paired with his Vitiligo, one can see how the pain of what was done to him led to severe body dysmorphic disorder. Just look at the obvious addiction to plastic surgery.” Jackson is known to have had at least 30 cosmetic surgeries, starting at the age of 13. “The hormonal changes are also known to cause gender identity problems, which explains his efforts to surgically feminize his face, as well as his androgynous appearance, effeminate disposition, and nurturing feelings toward children.”

Long-time friend Reverend Jessie Jackson responded to Landers’ assessment, saying that he completely agreed. “I knew he didn’t hurt those children! Maternal instinct is what it was. That beautiful man wanted to be their mama! People are disgusting to make up those lies about him hurting kids. I would have let him by my mama if I had only know how much pain he was in.”

Seeming to imply that Jackson was indeed chemically castrated, former nurse and ex-wife Debbie Rowe commented, saying “How stupid are people? Why do you think we always covered the kids’ faces? Those brats are whiter than a Klu Klux Klan convention. We even had to dye their hair brown.”

The Jackson family declined to comment.


DNA Results Confirm Michael Jackson Is Biological Father Of Bruno Mars

NEW YORK, New York – DNA Results Confirm Michael Jackson Is Biological Father Of Bruno Mars

Vladimir Kershov, publicist of R&B singer Bruno Mars, has been fired today after he revealed a shocking secret regarding the pop and R&B singer. Kershov leaked private information that revealed that Michael Jackson is Mars’ biological father.

In a statement emailed to news and media outlets across the world, Kershov revealed that he was told by the singer that DNA testing had proven that Jackson, known across the world as the King of Pop, was without a doubt his biological father. After pleading with Mars, born under the name Peter Hernandez, to go public with the revelation, Mars refused to do so. Kershov insisted that it be made known to the public, and that the news would catapult the singer’s fame and boost record sales. Mars remained adamant that the information not be released. According to Kershov, he then took it upon himself and emailed the shocking news to media sources all over the world.

“DNA testing has proven that Michael Jackson is the biological father of Bruno Mars,” Kershov said in the statement. “Against his wishes, I have decided to relay this message for the greater good and betterment of Bruno’s life and extravagant music career.”

In a statement released by Mars’ new publicist, Jacqueline Pryor, it has been announced that Kershov was immediately fired by the singer, and may seek legal action against his former publicist. “The job of a publicist is indeed to better the career of their clients by persuading them to take part in things that cause their popularity to grow, however, the client must trust their publicist. The artist has the final say, no matter what.”

When asked about the validity of Kershov’s statement, Pryor surprisingly made it clear that the information is accurate. “It is true. Doesn’t mean he was right in saying so, but it is true. When it comes to 29-year-old Bruno Mars, Michael Jackson is the father!”

Michael Jackson Seen Alive, Hiding In Canada Under Assumed Name

ONTARIO, Canada – Michael Jackson Seen Alive, Hiding In Canada Under Assumed Name

Soon after the June 2009 death of the ‘King of Pop’ Michael Jackson, a number of worldwide conspiracy theories and death hoax scenarios emerged, generated by fans who either refuse to deal in reality, or by individuals who genuinely believe that a cover-up concerning Jackson’s death took place.

Although most stories are taken about as seriously as reports of an Elvis Presley sighting at a Burger King, suspicious events in Ontario, Canada are leading many to believe that Jackson, in order to escape mounting legal problems, staged his death, assumed a second identity, and is now living in Canada under the name Alain Pontifex.

One week after reports of Jackson’s death, a mysterious newcomer moved into a small bungalow near Ontario’s Lake Doré.  According to a neighbor, a fleet of moving vans and a limousine pulled up in front of the property where a ‘pale middle-aged male’ was escorted into to the house, surrounded by what appeared to be 3 bodyguards.

Census records list Alain Pontifex as the owner of the home.  He has never been seen in public.  A small live-in staff attends to his needs.  When locals ask questions about Pontifex, the answer given by household employees is always the same: “Mr. Pontifex is a very private person.”

Jackson ‘truthers’ believe that stories of the entertainer’s ill health and frailty while rehearsing for his 2009 “This Is It” London comeback concert were all part of a disinformation campaign designed to lend credibility to Jackson’s faked death.  “Truth For MJ,” a Jackson death hoax organization with a growing membership, cites many hints leading to the logical conclusion that Alain Pontifex and Michael Jackson are one and the same person.  Group moderator writes:

  • Many packages delivered to the cottage are from theatrical makeup and costume companies
  • Visitors to the cottage are always privately escorted from Ottawa International Airport to the Pontifex home by staff members and shielded with umbrellas
  • The town has received a request for a permit to house exotic animals on the premises.

A former contractor hired to do “outside work” around the cottage said “I never met Mr. Pontifex, but I did hear his voice once or twice.  It did sound like Michael Jackson’s voice,” said the anonymous worker.  “I can’t swear that it was Jackson, but I got the feeling it was some famous person who wanted to hide out, and I think I heard something about them building a recording studio inside the house.”

Town officials offer no comment except to say that they respect the wishes of all members of the community.  A few Jackson truthers have attempted to visit the cottage, but have been stopped by private security.

So now, conspiracy theorists have one more plot to debunk, add to, or pick apart.  In a recent posting, MJtruthcaptainBob said, “The truth is out there and we, the world’s greatest fans of Michael Jackson will work hard to expose it.  We owe it to the greatest entertainer in the world.  He never gave up on us, and we will never give up on him,” he added.

Michael Jackson Hologram Selected To Perform During Super Bowl XLIX Halftime Show

GLENDALE, Arizona – Michael Jackson Hologram Selected To Perform During Super Bowl XLIX Halftime Show

After multiple conflicting reports suggesting that either Katy Perry or Carrie Underwood would be selected as the Super Bowl XLIX halftime performer, it came as quite a shock this morning as it was announced that the halftime performer is not a living person, but a hologram. The Arizona Super Bowl Host Committee decided to spice things up a bit and use the  modern technology of today by selecting a holographic image of none other than the King of Pop, Michael Jackson. The hologram of Jackson will be the star of the show, which will take place on February 1st at University of Phoenix Stadium in Glendale, Arizona, home of the NFL’s Arizona Cardinals.

Holography is a modern-day technique that allows three-dimensional images to be projected by way of laser, interference, diffraction, light intensity, and virtual illumination. The final product is an image that seems to magically turn a picture into a living thing, in this case, Michael Jackson. Last May a hologram of Jackson was used at the 2014 Billboard Music Awards in Las Vegas, Nevada. The hologram and choreography took producers nearly a year of planning and technical work. The Super Bowl Host Committee conjured up the idea, and made it a priority to successfully follow through with, along with the assisting  Billboard Music Award production team they plan (and guarantee) to do just that.

According to Arizona Super Bowl Host Committee chairman David Rousseau it was a cutting edge advancement in technology and entertainment that he believes needs to be embraced, offering NFL fans a halftime experience they would likely never forget.

“It was brought up in a meeting, seemingly as a joke by one of our staffers. In fact, it was such a ridiculous notion, that I ended up firing him for even mentioning it. Later that night, though, I went back and watched the Michael Jackson performance from the Billboard Music Awards, and I was amazed. It sent cold chills up my spine,” he said. “I even thought of calling up [the staffer] who suggested it and apologizing for laughing at his idea, but there really wasn’t time. The next morning we began to discuss it as if it were now a realistic idea to have a deceased legend perform. We got in touch with the team who designed the hologram for Billboard, and they were glad to do help.”

Several internet rumors have been spread over the last couple of weeks saying Katy Perry would grace the Super Bowl halftime stage this year, then rumors claiming it would actually be Carrie Underwood, who already has ties with the NFL from performing the Sunday Night Football intro and theme music, which is also broadcast by NBC.

“All nonsense, the rumors. We get that every year,” said Rousseau. “I even heard one about a mega-concert with people like Eminem and Roger Daltry and Marilyn Manson. I have no idea where these stories originate, but they’re always good for a laugh.”

Rousseau told the Associated Press that this would be the biggest halftime show production in history, and that it will put his committee on the map as one of the most successful planning committees in special event history.

“When this thing is over, the first question people will ask is when the Super Bowl is coming back to Arizona. I’m going to pull a Joe Namath and guarantee that right now, so mark it down,” said Rousseau. “There will be various acts which I cannot reveal at this time, to perform with Holo-Jackson, whom in their own right could handle the job themselves, putting the whole thing over the top with a massive bang, and then a grand-finale that I believe will be known in the future as the most exciting moment in live television history. What we have in store for the great football fans of America will have them gloating with American pride for weeks. Of course it will be a good game, but like most Super Bowls the game will be secondary to the halftime show and the commercials. You thought Janet’s t— were a big deal? Just wait!”

The 2015 Pro Bowl will also be played in Glendale one week before the Super Bowl on January 25th as an experiment by NFL commissioner Roger Goodell after being suggested the idea by Arizona Cardinals President Michael Bidwell. It is the first time since 1980 the Pro Bowl will not be played in Hawaii.


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