NEW YORK CITY, New York –
In a landmark ruling in the New York Supreme Court, the progressive state will be the first in the US to legalize gay Republicans. The ruling is in response to years of activism from all three of the gay Republican senators in the state, including a protest which made use of a tear-jerking viral video showing gay elephants humping.
“We’re delighted at this huge step forward,” said the leader of the three, Bono Williams. “It’s been a long time coming, and we’re relieved that we can finally be acknowledged in living a lifestyle that for centuries has been seen as immoral and unlawful.”
Chair of the LGBTI Rights Foundation of New York, Pepper Staysoft, applauded the courage of the three unique freedom fighters.
“Everyone deserves their liberty, and gay Republicans are a group who have long had their rights neglected,” Staysoft wrote. “Yes, it affects only a tiny proportion of the population, but for those three people the ruling will be life-changing.”
The ruling is another victory for supporters of the right for bi-partisan sexual preferences and, according to Bono Williams, sets a precedent for future political freedoms.
Speaker of the US House of Representatives, Republican John Boehner, said however that its another step in the “erosion of the moral stature of our country. I have nothing against homosexuals. Some of my best friends are homosexuals. But allowing the recognition of gay Republicans compromises the sanctity of Republicanism. How are our children meant to grow up into proud conservatives when their role models are liberal anarchists?”
Other Republicans disagreed with Boehner’s sentiments and expressed their approval of the decision.
“I think it’s great for those folks,” said 2012 presidential candidate Mitt Romney. “From what I understand, homosexual simply means ‘A member of the primate genus Homo, especially a member of the species Homo sapiens, distinguished from other apes by a large brain and the capacity for speech’, and I see no reason why these individuals should be treated any differently by us heterosexuals.”