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Republican Party Plans to Change Symbol From Elephant To Yacht

Republican Party Plans to Change Symbol From Elephant To Yacht

September 22, 2014

WASHINGTON, D.C. -  In an attempt to appeal to all demographics, the Republican Party has announced plans to change its symbol from the iconic, steadfast image of the elephant, to a yacht. This campaign to ...

Entertainment
Tinder Cancels Accounts For People It Considers 'Too Attractive'

Tinder Cancels Accounts For People It Considers ‘Too Attractive’

September 22, 2014

LOS ANGELES, California -  Tinder, the popular 'hot or not' dating app, has made the controversial decision to block users it considers too attractive due to a substantial overflow of users. According to founder Gary Tinder, ...

Business

Myrtle Beach To Start Accepting Sand Dollars As Currency

September 21, 2014

MYRTLE BEACH, South Carolina -  According to Myrtle Beach mayor John Plunkett, the utopia of the east coast will now be accepting sand dollars as currency. With costs of all tourist expenses skyrocketing, the city decided ...

Entertainment
Stripper Sues Miley Cyrus for Stealing Her Act

Exotic Dancer Sues Miley Cyrus Over Stolen Routines

September 21, 2014

SAN FRANCISCO, California -  Anastasia Rhapsody, an adult entertainer at The Kitty Kave Gentlemen’s Club, announced in a press conference today that she has filed a lawsuit against Miley Cyrus for stealing parts of her act. The ...

Business
'Memory Foam' Inventor Diagnosed With Alzheimer’s Disease

‘Memory Foam’ Inventor Diagnosed With Alzheimer’s Disease

September 21, 2014

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Professor Gerald Harding, NASA scientist best known as “The Grandfather of Memory Foam,” has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. “Professor Harding is the world’s foremost authority on synthetic materials and their application,” said ...

Business
JELL-O Deficiency Linked To Carpal Tunnel Syndrome

JELL-O Deficiency Linked To Carpal Tunnel Syndrome

September 20, 2014

DEERFIELD, Illinois - Workers at Kraft Foods, Inc. couldn’t be happier in these less than certain economic times.  For them, the future looks bright and shiny. Jack Pepper, production manager for Kraft Foods’ JELL-O Division said, “We just read ...

Health/Fitness
Infant’s First Word Horrifies Mommys at Play Date

Infant’s First Word Horrifies Mommies at Play Date

September 20, 2014

SAN DIEGO, California –  11-month old Madison Fowler from San Diego, California, has been banned from play dates indefinitely. “It’s all my fault,” says Diane, little Madison's mother.  “Kids pick up what they hear, and I’m the ...

Uncategorized
85-Year-Old Woman Gives Berth On Steamship

85-Year-Old Woman Gives Berth On Steamship

September 19, 2014

THE OPEN SEA, Worldwide -  An 85-year-old woman surprised everyone aboard the ship the Queen Mary bound to New York from England when she gave berth on board. The vessel’s captain, Dmitri Vasilov, said that in ...

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