Academy To Give Leonardo DiCaprio ‘Retroactive’ Oscars For Past Performances


Academy To Give Leonardo DiCaprio 'Retroactive' Oscars For Past Performances

HOLLYWOOD, California – 

After two decades of stellar work in the acting field, Leonardo DiCaprio may finally be receiving the award he deserves. The Academy has hinted at the actor being given retroactive awards for his many Oscar-worthy performances. The news comes from a verified anonymous source in the Academy that stated the members could no longer deny the many mistakes they’ve made in overlooking the actor.

“Quite frankly, there came a point where we were doing ourselves a disservice by passing him up over and over again,” the source explained. “If you miss one or two solid performances, it can always be chalked up to there being such a wide pool of talent. But with DiCaprio, we found ourselves simply overlooking too many great performances. So it is time we atone for our earlier mistakes.”

With humble beginnings on television, it was likely impossible for anyone to know just how grand DiCaprio’s career would become. Even less probable was the number of times the actor would be overlooked for great work. The earlier half of his film career was filled with heart-throb roles. However, What’s Eating Gilbert Grape was a riveting performances that the young actor failed to cash in on. That nomination came in 1994 for best supporting actor, but was a curious loss to Tommy Lee Jones for his role in The Fugitive, a role identical to every other role that Tommy Lee Jones has ever played.

The Aviator, Blood Diamond, and The Wolf of Wall Street also all failed to earn DiCaprio an Oscar after being nominated. What is worse, some of his very best performances were wholly overlooked by the Academy – DiCaprio’s roles in The Departed, Shutter Island, and Django Unchained were each undeniable forces that were ignored by those holding a vote.

Now the Academy looks to make good on their oversights by handing the actor six Oscars for the various opportunities missed. According to the source, the former winners will be allowed to keep their awards as well.

When reached for comment, DiCaprio could not be understood over the background sounds of many jovial models, money being thrown around, and tropical island waves splashing against a giant yacht.

Academy Standing Strong Behind Nominating ‘Old White Men’ For Oscars

Academy Standing Strong Behind Nominating 'Old White Men' For Oscars


HOLLYWOOD, California – 

Some anonymous Oscar voters have decided enough is enough. After being ridiculed by the public for their award choices, many have taken a very bold and surprising stance.

The 2015 Oscar choices have been criticized for pandering to a particular demographic of “Old White Men.” Many in the media assumed there would be some consideration as to whether the voters themselves may be too skewed into the particular demographic. Given today’s politically-correct society, many in the media also assumed the Academy would take the criticism seriously, and may be interested in considering a change of pace. Apparently that not on their agenda.

“Look, you got these people that think they know what making a movie is,” said one voter. “But the reality is that old white men have been making movies a lot longer than other demographics. They know what they are doing. You don’t get mad at Italians for making better Italian food than everyone else, do you? So why get mad at White men just because they’re excelling at what they are good at?”

The group of voters has remained mostly anonymous for quite some time. It was thought that keeping them anonymous keeps the voters from being bribed and swayed. However, a study found that over three quarters of the voters were white, and the median age was over 60 years old. Many believe that there is enough history to show that old white men in anonymous groups that wield power may not be the best idea.

Some are now openly worried about the direction of the Academy, and many are losing hope that there will be a better system anytime soon. The group now seems to have become entrenched, and are backing its members. They also appear to be emboldened by their anonymity.

A second voter summed it up by stating, “We aren’t just random voters. We’re intelligent white men. Who else would you trust to vote on a subjective art than us? We have years of movie-watching experience under our belts. We can’t help it if Clint Eastwood makes the best movies out there. Others simply have to just get better at what they do.”

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