Will Ferrell Proves That Hollywood Walk of Fame Not Just for Good Actors

Posted on March 31, 2015 by Josh Marcus

HOLLYWOOD, California –

Will Ferrell last week proved that the Hollywood Walk of Fame is not reserved for “only the best” actors. The famous walkway has received criticism in the past, facing accusations of being elitist, and only serving the talented minority. But the not-all-that-funnyman’s reception of a star among many really good actors, is evidence that the Walk is becoming more liberal and inclusive.

“This has been a long time in coming,” said activist Amy London. “For decades mediocre actors have been ignored in the awards. Ferrell is a perfect example. For years he’s served Hollywood in playing bit parts in good comedies, and taking center stage in bad ones, and has never received the recognition he deserves. Well now he’s being rightfully acknowledged.”

Ferrell himself admitted that he never expected to be inducted into the exclusive group of honorees on the Walk of Fame. However, he acknowledged that there is a basis for discrimination, and that he does not want his example to become political.

“Look, not everyone can have a star,” he told reporters. “It’s like when you’re a kid, and you win a competition but everyone gets medals for participation. It spoils the whole idea. There should be a more fair way of deciding who gets a star – like massive wrestling matches, where the last man – or woman – standing takes it.”

Some have shown skepticism about the motives behind Ferrell’s inclusion, saying that the award was only given to him to pander to critics.

“It’s not about equality, at all,” said neighborhood grouch Peter Poulsen. “They just want to act all progressive and forward-thinking. They think that by giving one bad actor an award, they can forget about them for the next three decades? We’ll make sure they don’t.”

Kanye West Banned From All Future Public Awards Ceremonies

Posted on February 14, 2015 by ZGHarris

LOS ANGELES, California –

Kanye West has once again made a flub of a decision at the Grammys, and the higher-ups have come down hard on the performer/producer, banning him from all future award ceremonies.

In 2012, when Kanye West rushed the stage and embarrassed both himself and Taylor Swift at the Grammys, everyone assumed it was fluke incident. Most everyone felt Kanye probably had one too many to drink, and simply made the mistake of thinking he deserved to be on stage when he did not. The whole incident, while cringeworthy, was easy to forgive and move on from.

After his hopping onto the stage during Beck’s acceptance speech once again made headlines, the word came down to all the major news networks on Friday. The message could not be more clear: West is no longer welcome at any event that awards artists for their talents. He is not to be on the premises during the events, nor the after-parties, and may not attend any red-carpet pre-event galas.

“If it was anyone else it would have been fine,” said show director Ryan Donahue. “The fact that it was Kanye, again – and in the same distasteful manner – made it impossible to ignore.”

West later stated it was the voices in his head, pointing toward the move being tongue-in-cheek. However, the incident was equally cringeworthy as the original. Once again West seemed to believe he was imbued with an ability to do something that he was not, and to steal the spotlight from an artist. But to this point, West has not backed down.

“All respect to Beck, because he seems like a nice guy and all. But Beyonce made the best album of 2014. And just because she’s not a Scientologist, and only a part of the Illuminati, doesn’t mean she’s second class.”

Academy Standing Strong Behind Nominating ‘Old White Men’ For Oscars

Posted on January 31, 2015 by ZGHarris

HOLLYWOOD, California –

Some anonymous Oscar voters have decided enough is enough. After being ridiculed by the public for their award choices, many have taken a very bold and surprising stance.

The 2015 Oscar choices have been criticized for pandering to a particular demographic of “Old White Men.” Many in the media assumed there would be some consideration as to whether the voters themselves may be too skewed into the particular demographic. Given today’s politically-correct society, many in the media also assumed the Academy would take the criticism seriously, and may be interested in considering a change of pace. Apparently that not on their agenda.

“Look, you got these people that think they know what making a movie is,” said one voter. “But the reality is that old white men have been making movies a lot longer than other demographics. They know what they are doing. You don’t get mad at Italians for making better Italian food than everyone else, do you? So why get mad at White men just because they’re excelling at what they are good at?”

The group of voters has remained mostly anonymous for quite some time. It was thought that keeping them anonymous keeps the voters from being bribed and swayed. However, a study found that over three quarters of the voters were white, and the median age was over 60 years old. Many believe that there is enough history to show that old white men in anonymous groups that wield power may not be the best idea.

Some are now openly worried about the direction of the Academy, and many are losing hope that there will be a better system anytime soon. The group now seems to have become entrenched, and are backing its members. They also appear to be emboldened by their anonymity.

A second voter summed it up by stating, “We aren’t just random voters. We’re intelligent white men. Who else would you trust to vote on a subjective art than us? We have years of movie-watching experience under our belts. We can’t help it if Clint Eastwood makes the best movies out there. Others simply have to just get better at what they do.”