ONTARIO, Canada –
Troy Allen, 27, was arrested for criminal negligence after throwing motor oil in a fire, which exploded and severely burned a nearby toddler. Allen says he had changed the oil in his truck earlier that week and needed to get rid of it.
“I thought – what better way to get rid of it? I didn’t know my nephew was behind me. He’d been put to bed as far as I knew,” said Allen. “I don’t know why everyone is giving me shit over this. He’s not my kid. Besides, I got plenty burned too, and he’s a lot younger than me. His body will heal and his skin will bounce right back.”
Responding officer Bill Parker said, “People do stupid things like that all the time around here. Unfortunately this time there were tragic consequences, as little Evan Williams was burned severely.”
The 2-year-old boy, Evan Williams, received third degree burns over most of his chest and face, and remains in critical condition at a local hospital. The mother of the toddler will also be charged with negligence as she told police “she was a little drunk” and did not know her boy was out of bed.
LOS ANGELES, California –
Kanye West has once again made a flub of a decision at the Grammys, and the higher-ups have come down hard on the performer/producer, banning him from all future award ceremonies.
In 2012, when Kanye West rushed the stage and embarrassed both himself and Taylor Swift at the Grammys, everyone assumed it was fluke incident. Most everyone felt Kanye probably had one too many to drink, and simply made the mistake of thinking he deserved to be on stage when he did not. The whole incident, while cringeworthy, was easy to forgive and move on from.
After his hopping onto the stage during Beck’s acceptance speech once again made headlines, the word came down to all the major news networks on Friday. The message could not be more clear: West is no longer welcome at any event that awards artists for their talents. He is not to be on the premises during the events, nor the after-parties, and may not attend any red-carpet pre-event galas.
“If it was anyone else it would have been fine,” said show director Ryan Donahue. “The fact that it was Kanye, again – and in the same distasteful manner – made it impossible to ignore.”
West later stated it was the voices in his head, pointing toward the move being tongue-in-cheek. However, the incident was equally cringeworthy as the original. Once again West seemed to believe he was imbued with an ability to do something that he was not, and to steal the spotlight from an artist. But to this point, West has not backed down.
“All respect to Beck, because he seems like a nice guy and all. But Beyonce made the best album of 2014. And just because she’s not a Scientologist, and only a part of the Illuminati, doesn’t mean she’s second class.”