NBC Plans ‘Big Bang Theory’ Feature Film

LOS ANGELES, California – 

NBC, the company behind the hit TV series The Big Bang Theory, has announced they have begun negotiations with the cast of the show to star in a big-budget, theatrically-released film the company has been planning.

“Somehow, unbeknownst to us, The Big Bang Theory has really captured audiences, and continues to always pull in great viewer numbers,” said NBC CEO Mark Rutherford. “We have yet to figure out how such a God awful piece of shit show like Big Bang actually works, but it does, and we’re definitely going to cash in.”

The Big Bang Theory, which centers around a group of nerds and who make lame jokes about stupid, pseudo-science, is mostly unwatchable for people with actual taste, but appears to do well in the 18-25 age group, especially when you tie in the 18-25 year-olds who also smoke marijuana.

“We’ve placed the show in a prime time slot, not just for TV, but prime time for stoners,” said Rutherford. “We want these people to watch this crap, with its annoying laugh track and piss-poor comedy writing, because they’re bringing in the ratings. And ratings equal money. The more ratings, the more money, and the more money we’ll sink into crap like this in the future.”

Crap for the future is what NBC is banking on by creating what they say is a first in a “long line” of planned sitcoms turned into films.

“We cannot wait to finalized this deal with the Big Bang cast, and no doubt they will be excited to be the first from our NBC family to make the leap to the big screen,” said Rutherford. “There will be others that follow, assuming this piece of shit movie gets off the ground and makes the kind of money that this piece of shit show has.”

Several Movie Theaters Begin Showing TV Broadcasts To Boost Revenue

Several Movie Theaters Begin Showing Live TV Broadcasts To Boost Revenue

HOLLYWOOD, California –

In hopes of competing with the growing trend of watching movies and TV at home via streaming services and DVDs, several small, independent movie theatres are now trying a drastic change in programming to get people through the door.

“Yup, we’re airing TV shows now every day during the day,” said theater owner Marlon Jones of Los Angeles. “It used to be that we packed the auditoriums every night, especially on weekends, and we made tons of money. Now it seems people would rather stay home and watch TV shows or Netflix series. We need to change with the times.”

Jones says he decided to start showing TV series and Netflix originals a few months ago, and his first go-round was with Daredevil, the new series that was just released to Netflix.

“We had tons of people flocking in to watch that on the big screen,” said Jones. “That show is very impressive, and no doubt plenty of people watched it at home on their big screens, but it’s nothing like seeing it on a screen of this size.”

Jones says that he is preparing to exhibit other programs as well, including daytime talk shows and TV soaps.

“I know it will be weird seeing Ellen on the big screen again, since she hasn’t made a movie in 20 years, but it will also be fun,” said Jones. “I’ll get all the old biddies in here to watch Ellen or The View or whatever. They’ll pay for it, no doubt about it. It’s the experience, after all.”

Jones says that he will continue to air these TV shows in his theater until he is told to stop by the networks.

“Oh, I definitely didn’t ask for permission. God no. They’d want money, and they don’t need it. I need it. It’s all for the greater good,” said Jones.

Jim Parsons Quits ‘The Big Bang Theory’ After On-Set Fight

PASADENA, California – jim parsons quits the big bang theory after on-set fight

It looks as though of the most beloved characters on television today, Sheldon Cooper, won’t be returning to The Big Bang Theory for its 8th season, after actor Jim Parsons has walked-off set and quit the show because of an on-set fight with co-star Johnny Galecki.

According to sources on the show, which has been in the process of filming since June, tensions behind the scenes have been extremely high. Last year the show was nearly cancelled after several members of the main cast demanded massive pay raises, forcing producer and creator Chuck Lorre to choose between keeping his show on the air or letting it taper off.

“We had contracted everyone involved for season one, and then it took off, and immediately signed everyone on for 5 more seasons,” said Lorre. “After season 6, which everyone did for the same amount of money, I think the monotony of playing the same stupid characters for so long, for over 150 episodes, was really getting to everyone, Parsons especially. So they all asked for a pay raise. They got it going into season 7, but this time around, for the season we’re filming, the cast, or rather their agents, really wanted more than they deserved.”

CBS, the parent company who releases the show, relented and gave in to the demands of the stars, but it hasn’t been enough to keep a peace on set. Crew members report that there have been many fights over contracts and money behind-the-scenes, namely between stars Parsons and Galecki.

“I don’t really care that [Parsons] is gone. We can do a whole hell of a lot better with someone else, anyway,” said Galecki, who plays Leonard Hofstadter on the show. “Last season ended with [Parsons’ character] Sheldon running away because Leonard was moving out of the apartment. He was supposed to come back, obviously, and we shot a few scenes with him back, but now, the hell with it, they’re just going to write him out permanently.”

Writers and producers have been scrambling to come up with material for the currently-filming season, as well as a way to introduce a new character.

“We don’t know for sure what Jim [Parsons] is planning. We’re working that out right now,” said Lorre. “In the mean time, we do have interest from several actors to join the cast, including Michael Cera and Topher Grace, either of which would be a fantastic addition to the show.”

Parsons himself has yet to comment publicly on his departure. His agent released a statement saying that “certain aspects of [Parsons’] contract were not being met, and that he was within his rights to walk off set.”

CBS Films, the company who produces Big Bang, had no comment on their plans for a cast change, or whether or not they felt that Parsons would return.


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