WASHINGTON, D.C. –
Most job applicants lie about graduating from community college. A 2015 study by the American Association of Community Colleges (AACC), has found that up to half of community college drop outs still list themselves as graduates on resumes. With this new knowledge, the government has mandated that it will now be legal to consider yourself a CC graduate if you’ve even attended at all.
Bill Rich, HR manager says his company, Soft Skillz Temp Agency, had to actually start checking degrees. “Chances are they attended the community college. They could tell you all about it in an interview, but often they did not actually complete their degree. If it says something like liberal studies, you know they definitely didn’t finish. Who would go for something so pointless anyway? It’s just not realistic. This new law is going to kick my ass. I’ll be checking references for weeks.”
The study predicts most applicants were getting away with it, and researchers speculated that job seekers have gotten lazy, due to lackadaisical reference checking. Rich says, “They think we’re not going to call. They think nobody actually checks references. Sad thing is in most cases they’re right.”
NEW YORK, New York –
Taylor Swift, the biggest name in pop and country at the moment shocked fans, promoters and the entire music industry today when she cancelled her world tour. Swift announced in a statement that ‘there’s nothing more important than education,’ and she plans on attending college starting this January in time for the spring semester.
“I hope my fans support my decision, I’m not the first star to put a career on hold,” said Swift. “Jodie Foster went to Yale, Natalie Portman went to Harvard, and Emma Watson went to Brown. If they could put their careers on hold to get an education, so can I. As a role model to millions of young girls, I feel it’s my duty to show the importance of education. So I’ll be going to a little school in Boston that maybe some of you have heard of, to pursue my life long dream.”
According to Swift and her management, going to school is the only thing that’s kept her back from becoming the biggest musician of all-time, as opposed to just one of the biggest musicians of all-time.
“Because I want to live this dream, today I am proud to announce I was accepted to Boston’s Medford Community College School of Dog Grooming. I will be starting this January, for a grueling 6 months of courses to achieve my certificate, but I know with the support of God and my fans, I can do it. I want to let my fellow students know even though I may be the only one going to a commuter school in a limo, I’m just a regular down-home country girl at heart.”
“I’m really, really sad that she’s not going to be singing anymore,” said Amy Anderson, a 12-year-old fan. “6 months is like a lifetime away from making music, but I’m happy for her. Well I’m more sad for me than happy for her. I don’t know how I feel. My Mom and Dad are both doctors, and they wanted me to be a doctor. I wanted to be a singer like Taylor, but now I guess I want to be a dog groomer like Taylor.”