FLINT, Michigan –
Donald Grover has been pretending to be a baby for most of his adult life. His wife, Mary, feeds him, changes his XXL diapers, and even breast feeds him. The trend of being an “adult baby” has become more and more common in the last few years, at least when it comes to certain kinky groups that are making their way out of the underground.
“I love wearing my diaper. I love shitting myself, and I love when Mary has to change me. It’s a sexual thrill, yes, but it also brings me back to my younger and more vulnerable years, and it makes me feel so good,” said Grover, who used to be a lawyer before he started carrying a rattle. “Mary loves taking care of me, too. We never had a child of our own, so it works.”
Mary, for her part, does seem to be okay with the entire situation.
“It becomes really weird when I’m changing him and he pees on me or something. Or when he gets mad and throws his food across the room,” said Mary. “That’s not really a sexual turn-on for me, but I do the best I can with what I have. I’m no looker, you know.”
Many people say they are turned on by the idea of dressing as a baby and being pampered, although most do not do it on a regular basis.
WASHINGTON, D.C. –
One of the biggest problems plaguing the entire country is the increased garbage in our landfills. One way that has been combated over the years is with bottle and can redemption, where – depending on the state – you pay an extra charge for bottles purchased, and those can be redeemed and recycled later with the consumer getting their money back.
A new plan set in motion by congress, which will take effect nationwide, will see the same plan take on diapers, which are one of the leading causes of overfilling of our nation’s dump and landfill centers.
“Going forward, a redemption charge will be added to all diaper sales, at the rate of an extra $1 per diaper in each pack,” said congressman Joel Hill. “We expect that in this way, people can start recycling their baby’s diapers in the hopes that they can be re-used, and no longer simply tossed into the trash.”
Major diaper manufacturers say that the idea is brilliant, as the materials that are used in collecting the waste of children is “easily recyclable.”
“We could use the diapers dozens of times before they become unstable,” said Huggies plant manager Roger Kern. “We don’t get the chance to, because they end up thrown away, but now we’ll finally start being able to use materials over again, saving us money, which we can pass to the consumer.”
The diaper recycling law will take effect in most states on June 1st, with the entire country set to begin collecting by the end of the year.
PHOENIX, Arizona –
A baby born earlier this week has an extremely rare disease that has caused it to not have a head, but have its face on its torso, is being described by doctors as the ‘creepiest thing’ that they have ever seen.
“Holy shit, I’m not kidding when I said it’s disturbing,” said Dr. Emmett Brown, who delivered the baby. “I almost vomited all over the place. Not from disgust, really, just from the shocking nature of it. It’s insane. I don’t even want to look at it.”
The child, whose mother has asked not to be named, is one of only 3 or 4 known cases of what doctors call Ichabod Crane Syndrome, named after the famous story of the Headless Horseman.
“It’s extremely rare, and thank God for that,” said Dr. Brown. “I can’t believe I delivered that baby. It’s a miracle, sure, and it’s definitely a child of God, they all are – but holy fuck you guys, did you see it?”
Mommy and baby, who has been named Brayden, are reportedly doing fine.