Doctor Discovers Thousands Of Baby Spiders Inside Boil On Man’s Face

MIAMI, Florida –

A Miami man visited a doctor recently for what he assumed was a skin rash or a boil on the side of his face, but doctors surprised him by explaining that the lesion was actually a spider’s nest.

“When the patient came in, he thought he was just going to be getting the area lanced and cleaned,” said Dr. Emmett Brown of Miami-Dade Hospital Center. “As soon as he came into the ER, though, we sectioned him off and had to perform minor surgery immediately.”

This is not the first time that a Miami-area man has had spider eggs laid inside their body. In 2006, another man was complaining of an itchy spot on his leg, and doctors were forced to amputate from the knee down after they discovered a colony of more than 10,000 baby spiders had nested under his skin.

“Our patient was a lot more lucky. He will not lose any of the skin on his face, and we were able to contain and kill all of the spiders,” said Dr. Brown. “Basically, a pregnant spider must have been crawling on our patient’s face during the evening, and was able to lay her eggs in an opening when our young patient was suffering from severe acne. It’s a fluke, and rare, but something everyone should be aware of.”

ZIONSVILLE, Indiana –

Subway Restaurants recently cut ties with their longtime spokesman Jared Fogle after FBI raided his Zionsville, Indiana home, confiscating computers, DVDs, and other media devices. The investigation into Fogle comes after an executive in his Jared Foundation was arrested this past May. Although police and FBI investigators have said that Fogle has not been charged with any crime, what they found on his computers, they say, was “extremely disturbing” and “shocking.”

“Everyone knows Jared from his many Subway commercials, and we all know the story of how he lost tons of weight, and kept it off, by eating Subway sandwiches,” says investigator Ronald King. “Sadly, it appears that Mr. Fogle has kept a deep, dark secret. Although we didn’t find anything illegal in his possession, what we did find were many pictures that will certainly shock Subway restaurants, Mr. Fogle’s family and friends, and his fans.”

King says that investigators discovered thousands of images, videos, and stories relating to cakes, pies, desserts, and other “junk food.” Many of the visuals were of half-eaten bags of potato chips, greasy cheeseburgers dripping with delicious fats, and several videos that simply showed people eating pizza or other fatty, yet scrumptious, foods.

“It’s clear that Fogle has a serious problem, and he was dealing with it the only way he knew how,” said King. “I, personally, find it admirable that he was able to constantly be viewing these terrible, artery-clogging images, and still maintain his slightly wimpy but no-longer-fat figure. These excessive images of food were beyond terrifying. They bordered on obsession, and I hope now that Fogle can finally just go out and get himself a damn burger and fries without Subway breathing down his neck.”

Below are several images that investigators say they discovered on Fogle’s many, many hard drives and burned DVDs. Be warned, the images are graphic in nature, and may leave you feeling extremely hungry.