Quack Doctor Arrested in ‘Urine Therapy’ Scam

NEW YORK, New York –

In 1988, Dr. Peter Hobart rented a commercial space on the Upper East Side of Manhattan, and transformed it into a drug testing facility.

“His place was always packed,” said local deli worker Luke Jacobs. “Everybody called him Doctor P. He had a million clients, people were pouring in and out of the place like crazy.”

What Jacobs and the rest of the city didn’t know was that the doctor wasn’t a doctor at all – he’s a longtime con-man who apparently has a rather strange fetish.

Hobart asked several clients to take part in a bogus “urine/oxygen” study he was conducting. Volunteers were required to produce and submit urine samples, some as frequently as 3 times a week. After many months, when no study appeared, several of his clients began to suspect the water in the well was bad.

One patient took part in the fake doc’s so-called ‘Trevi Fountain’ project. “He wanted to find out if a person would go to the bathroom more if a song or a movie that had to do with rain, or the ocean was playing in the background, that kind of thing” said Patient X. “He said it was psychological, and I’d be in a medical journal. One day when I was about to give my sample, Dr. P. brought in a tv, and played that famous movie with the blonde lady who runs through the water fountain in Italy – La Dolce Vita – that’s the name of it. Anyway, so I had to do ‘number one’ during the water fountain scene, and Dr. P. took notes. He accidentally dropped his clipboard and I just happened to glance down at it; the page was just full of doodles of penises – some had smiling faces, some were erect, and most of them were peeing. I pretended I didn’t notice, but I felt all sick inside. As soon as I left I called the police. I didn’t even use my real name when I called, I was so embarrassed.”

Dr. P. was arrested last month and charged with falsifying medical records, misrepresentation, medical quackery, and Medicare fraud. A hidden camera was also discovered in a room used by clients to produce samples.

Officials estimate it will take three to four months to retrace the financial trail Hobart left in his wake. “We’ll never be able to locate all the paperwork,” said one accountant from the DA’s office, “and people are too embarrassed to give information. Can’t blame them, I guess. I’d be so pissed off if something like that happened to me.”

Hobart faces up to 20 years in prison if convicted. His lawyer entered a plea for a reduced sentence if Doctor P. helps locate the missing financial records. Sentencing will take place before the end of the year.

BOSTON, Massachusetts –

Carl and Debbie Houser have spoken out publicly against their family pediatrician Dr. Walter Wentworth for diagnosing their 7-year-old son Randall with “a case of the gays.” The story first gained media attention when Janice Henderson, a local reporter for Boston’s affiliate FOX station stumbled across an online blog created by Debbie Houser entitled Mommy Knows The Truth.

Houser says it all started at the beginning of October, when their son Randall arrived home from school with a fever of 102. “He was really lethargic and hot to the touch,” said Houser. “We immediately took him to our family doctor to have him checked out. We have been taking Randall to Dr. Wentworth since he was born; he was actually my husband’s pediatrician as well. He has been taking care of our family for ages.”

Dr. Wentworth seemed disinterested in treating the boys fever and told Debbie and Carl that there is no reason for them to panic, and that it was probably just associated with a stomach bug that has been going around.

According to Debbie, “[Wentworth] was so dismissive about poor Randall’s fever, then he got real serious, and said ‘you may want to brace yourself for the news I’m about to deliver.’” Debbie says she and Carl were terrified to hear what the doctor was going to say next.

Dr. Wentworth told the concerned parents that he had been tracking young Randall’s behavior for many years, and feels confident that Randall has what he referred to as “a case of the gays.”

He explained that Randall exhibits many effeminate behaviors that are quite worrisome and cannot be ignored. Dr. Wentworth told the Housers that Randall has developed a lisp that he didn’t have 2 years ago, often wears pink and purple clothing, and typically plays with the girl’s toys in the pediatrician’s waiting room.

Though Carl and Debbie tell the media that they were outraged by the offensive and confusing diagnosis, several of Dr. Wentworth’s nurses have told the media they overheard Carl Houser privately pleading with Dr. Wentworth to “please fix his son.”

The Housers say they are planning a lawsuit against their former doctor, although they haven’t said what, precisely, they are suing for or why.

“Our lawyer thinks we can sue him just for his offensive diagnosis, and the emotional distress it’s caused us…I mean Randall,” said Debbie. “Dr. Wentworth needs to realize that our son is not gay. I mean, even if he was, we would love him just the same, but he’s only 7 years old. He’s definitely not gay. He just isn’t. That’s the beginning and the end of if. There are no gay people in my family at all. Period.”

Dr. Wentworth says he isn’t worried about a lawsuit. “The kid’s as queer as a three dollar bill. What are they going to sue me over? Telling them the truth?”