Death Row Inmate Allowed To Choose Method Of Execution Picks ‘Old Age’

Death Row Inmate Allowed To Choose Method Of Execution Picks 'Old Age'

RICHMOND, Virginia – 

A Virginia man, Charles Demar, on death row since 2001 for the murder of his wife and two sons, was recently allowed the option of choosing his method of execution by the state supreme court. A statement, released by Demar’s lawyer, says that he has chosen the option to die of ‘old age.’

“Mr. Demar, when given the opportunity to choose the manner in which he would be executed, chose to die by ‘old age,'” said Demar’s attorney, Richard Cheatum. “The state, forced to accept this request, have no choice legally but to let my client go free, so that he may die at the same natural rate as any other person.”

The laws in Virginia appear to be written in such a manner that a request of this nature is perfectly acceptable, with one supreme court judge quoted as saying that he “couldn’t believe” that no one had ever thought to choose that option previously.

“It would be one thing if we were just going to keep him in prison, maybe move him from death row and place him in general population, but with the way our laws are currently written, this particular inmate was able to find a loophole in the system that would grant him the ability to be executed by ‘old age,’ with that time being lived outside of the prison,” said Judge George Morris. “It’s safe to assume that we will be keeping a close eye on Mr. Demar as his time in prison comes to an end and he is allowed to merge back into society.”

“This is an amazing feat that we’ve been able to accomplish, and I am very proud of the work that we have put in to ensure that my client is afforded his ‘perfect ending,'” said Cheatum.

“Fuck yeah, I cannot wait to get the hell out of here,” said Demar. “I have some scores to settle with the sonsabitchin’ jury that put me in here in the first place.”

Demar is set to be released May 1st.

N. Dakota Town Passes New Law; Dogs That Attack Will Be Shot In Front Of Owners

WEST CARBON, North Dakota – City Passes New Law; Dogs That Attack Will Be Shot In Front Of Owners

A small town in North Dakota has recently passed a law that does not bode well with animal rights activists. In response to an increased number of dog attacks in 2014, West Carbon has passed a law requiring any dog that attacks or shows aggression – whether it be towards a human or another animal – to be shot, execution style, in front of its owners.

According to West Carbon police records, 53 dogs have been ‘put down’ in front of their owners since the law went into effect mid-2014. The most recent execution was Roxanne, a Blue Heeler owned by the McYoung family. According to Daniel McYoung, police shot Roxanne in the family’s living room after neighbors reported that they saw her biting the feet of Rusty, the McYoung’s other dog in the family’s backyard.

“This whole thing is ridiculous, Roxanne wasn’t biting or attacking Rusty, she was nipping at his heels, that’s what she does, she is a Heeler for god’s sake! The worst part of the whole incident is that the police insisted upon shooting the dog in our living room, and then did not offer to help clean up the mess they made,” said Daniel McYoung. He says that, thankfully, the one their 12-year-old daughter had been at a friend’s house for a sleepover when the police arrived.

Chief Wiggler from West Carbon Police Department publicly responded to Daniel McYoung’s statement by saying “The breed of dog is irrelevant, the dog was biting another dog, and in my book that’s an attack. In addition, the McYoung’s neighbor was of the opinion that Roxanne was attacking the other dog. People need to understand that when it comes to the law, perception is reality.”

Wiggler finished his press release by saying, “We insisted upon resolving the issue in the McYoung’s living room because it was a Saturday afternoon, and we did not want to cause a scene publicly by resolving it outdoors.”

Those that oppose the law say that it’s clearly an attempt for law enforcement to intimidate citizens, and that the law itself is inhumane.

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