‘Game of Thrones’ Season 5 Episodes Leak To Torrent Sites; Internet Collectively Shits Itself

'Game of Thrones' Season 5 Episodes Leak To Torrent Sites; Internet Collectively Shits Itself

LOS ANGELES, California  – 

The first 5 episodes of the fifth season of Game of Thrones was leaked to the internet earlier this week, and the internet immediately shit its pants with excitement over the news. Many people were clamoring to torrent websites to download the episodes, which were not scheduled to air until April 12th, but had hit the internet on April 10th.

As of this writing, over 45,000 people were seeding, or sharing, each of the 5 episodes on the popular filesharing website bigtorrent.org, and on website Shwashbuckle.neteach episode was being shared by as many as a quarter of a million users.

“We aren’t happy at all that this happened, nope, not a bit,” said HBO spokesman Jim Dugan. “We definitely didn’t leak the episodes ourself for publicity for the show, no, definitely not. And we will argue vehemently with anyone who says otherwise. This show leak is horrible for us. It’s definitely not going to drum up excitement for the rest of the series, causing people to subscribe to us via cable our encourage them to purchase our new network, HBONow, which has every single episode of every single show we have, as well as all the great HBO movies you’ve come to expect from us. Hell no, not a chance.”

Most people who have watched the episodes and reported on them throughout websites and forums, say that the show is still just as good as it’s always been.

“Yeah, I watched them, they were pretty good,” said torrent user MegaCock4UBabez6969. “I mean, the quality wasn’t HD, which pissed me off. But whatever, the episodes were good. There were tits, and there was blood, so I’m happy.”

HBO executives say that they have no plans to release the episodes any sooner just because of the internet leak.

‘Game of Thrones’ Fans Find TV Series Spoilers in Local Bookstores

'Game of Thrones' Fans Find TV Series Spoilers in Local Bookstores


GLOBAL, Worldwide – 

Fans of acclaimed HBO series Game Of Thrones have reportedly been finding books full of spoilers about the show placed secretly in bookstores around the world. The news has sent many impatient watchers rushing to purchase the volumes, while others have protested against the blatant disregard of the writers for the suspense for which the program is renowned.

“It’s insane,” said one fan delighted by the revelations. “The fifth season is only coming out in April, and already someone has leaked what’ll happen. I opened the one – it’s titled A Feast For Crows – and was shocked to find out that [spoilers removed]. I can’t wait to break it to my friends about [spoilers removed] dying. They’ll never believe it, nor will they believe that [spoilers removed] makes it all the way to [spoilers removed].”

“I don’t think it’s fair. I picked up A Dance With Dragons, innocently thinking it was fanfic about the Game of Thrones universe, and unwittingly found out that [spoilers removed],” said aggrieved fan, Stacey Jones. “I’m so scared that inconsiderate people will reveal to me what else is going to happen. Literally, I’m not looking at any blogs about the series unless they have disclaimers stating [spoilers removed].”

The source of the leak earlier today revealed his identity to be George R.R. Martin, one of the main story writers for the blockbuster series. He defended his actions by citing similar series and movies whose major plot were revealed by writers long before their release dates.

“Tolkien did the same thing,” said an unperturbed Martin. “He revealed that Frodo [spoilers removed] decades before the release date was due. Stephen King is another who consistently does this. It adds to the suspense – not only are you scared of what’ll happen to your favorite characters, you’re now terrified someone will tell you in advance.”

Critics have dismissed the news as unremarkable, stating that it’s characteristic of Martin, who has written such characters as [spoilers removed] out of the show to shock viewers, and never fails to disappoint in bringing fans’ anxiety to the verge of boiling point.

Nickelodeon To Air Reruns Of HBO’s ‘Game Of Thrones’, ‘Real Sex’ During Late Night Hours

Nickelodeon To Air Reruns Of HBO's 'Game Of Thrones', 'Real Sex' During Late Night Hours


NEW YORK, New York –

Viacom Media Networks, who owns and operates children’s programming network Nickelodeon, has announced that the company has signed a deal with HBO to air reruns of the popular series Game of Thrones, as well as reruns of the once popular Real Sex series, which HBO aired from 1990 – 2009.

Viacom CEO Thomas Bradbury said that the move will round out a great schedule of broadcasting for Nickelodeon. “During the late-morning up until early-evening hours Nickelodeon programming is obviously directed toward the children’s demographic, which left quite a void in the early-morning hours, which we will now be calling ‘Twilight Shift Programming’,” Bradbury said earlier today.

Bradbury said that other programs will be added to a four-hour block from midnight to 4am, but that no other programs have yet been made official. “Eventually, we will be able to fill the four hour twilight time period with four different programs, but as of now, it looks like the block will consists of two hours Game of Thrones, and two hours of Real Sex.”

Asked whether or not the adult related content in the programs would contradict their daytime programming, Bradbury stated that it simply would not be an issue. “We do not believe anyone will find any harm in the programming, in fact we feel that customers will be greatly pleased, because now there will be something for everyone on Nickelodeon,” the CEO said. “Once the kids go to bed, you can enjoy all the sex, beheadings, incest, boobs, and blood you crave, but without having to pay for an extra cable subscription.”

Nickelodeon is slated to begin airing the programs this spring.

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