Hackers Plan To Leak SEX TAPE of Donald Trump With His Daughter Ivanka – The President Is FURIOUS!

Ad

Capture

WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

Donald Trump has ordered the FBI and CIA to track down a group of “anonymous” hackers who are claiming that they have sex tapes featuring President Donald Trump and his daughter, Ivanka.

As seen in leaked images, the tapes  – allegedly stolen from a cell phone that belongs to Ivanka’s husband, Jared Kushner – are legitimate, and do depict Trump engaging in sexual acts with his daughter.

“This comes as no surprise to me at all,” said a White House staffer who asked not to be identified. “I was creeped out the first time he mentioned how hot she was, but he’s said it so many times since, that I’ve become kind of jaded by it. Yeah, Mr. President. Your daughter is hot. We get it. As it turns out, he’s been fucking her all along. Not even really a shocker at this point.”

As there is currently no FBI director, that bureau has made little progress in finding out who the hackers were, but so far, the CIA has reported that they haven’t had much luck either.

“Frankly, despite it being a serious concern for Trump, no one in the department really cares that much to find it,” said CIA John Brennan. “No one is surprised by this, and in reality, what damage could it really do to the guy? He’s been caught talking about grabbing women by the pussy because he thinks they like it. Does it really surprise anyone that he thinks his daughter, who he complements all the time about how ‘hot’ she is, has another pussy he can grab? And even if we do find the source of the tapes, hasn’t the damage already been done? I mean, it’s not like any Trump supporter is going to care anyway. They’ll call it fake news and move on with their lives.”

President Trump has not made any public comment on the matter. The video has been streamed on PornHub over 2 million times in less than 24 hours.

Leak Of 2016 Oscar Winners Hits Internet Only Hours Before Event

Academy Standing Strong Behind Nominating 'Old White Men' For Oscars

LOS ANGELES, California –

The 2016 Oscar ceremony, hosted by Chris Rock, is only hours away, but you don’t even have to sit through the 4-hour long rambling this year to find out if Leo Dicaprio is taking home the gold (spoiler alert: he is!) In an extremely unprecedented breach of security, the list of winners – which is safeguarded by Price-Waterhouse – was leaked to the internet late Saturday evening.

Learn more about RevenueStripe...

“This is truly and utterly devastating,” said Price-Waterhouse chairman Jon Mitchell. “For over 50 years, we have been able to keep a lid on the names of the winners until the moment that the envelope opens on stage. We have no idea how the winners were leaked, and we are working diligently to find the source.”

ABC, the channel who airs the Oscar telecast, said they are “extremely upset” by the leak, as it means much lower ratings than normal. Couple the leak with a year where the #OscarsSoWhite hashtag was causing many to boycott the event, and it seems that there may be a lot fewer people both showing up, and tuning into, the event on Sunday evening.

“It’s disappointing, really, and we are scrambling to make sure that the show goes on, and goes off, without a hitch,” said Chris Rock, host. “I’ll still be out there, doing my thing, but it’s a shame, really, that the anticipation of the night is gone.”

 

Interested to see who will be taking home a trophy tonight?
CLICK TO SEE LIST 2016 OSCAR WINNERS

Dr. Ben Carson’s Name Appears On Leaked List of KKK Members

WASHINGTON, D.C. –

In a curious reveal of private information, Dr. Ben Carson, a member of the Republican party who is currently running for president, was listed in the database of names released by Anonymous that detailed membership in the Ku Klux Klan.

According to the hacker group, Carson is part of the South Knights of Order, a long-standing KKK affiliated group based out of Alabama. According to Carson himself, though, Anonymous got it wrong.

“I have no idea where this information comes from, but it’s definitely not accurate,” said Carson. “There is no way that I would ever associate with a group so entwined with the hatred of my people. It just doesn’t make sense. I think even if they tried to recruit me, I would just ignore them. I’d say ‘I think you want that white guy over there,’ and be on my way.”

According to Anonymous members, though, all of the information they’ve released is 100% accurate. In a note left on the message boards of 4Chan, Anonymous members say that Dr. Carson is a liar who is trying to save face.

“No one would elect a black KKK member into the presidency,” said user MartianMartin94. “If Carson were white, he might still have a chance, but because he’s black and in the Klan, there’s no way anyone will vote for him now. I mean, Donald Trump is a bigot and a moron, but he’s white, so he might still get in. Carson is finished, though.”

Did Josh Duggar Have A Sexual Relationship With A Male Porn Star?

duggar

WASHINGTON, D.C.  – 

Over the last several months, 19 Kids and Counting star Josh Duggar has become something of a household name, after it was revealed that when he was a teenager, he molested several girls, including his own sisters, causing TLC to completely cancel their show. Just recently it was also discovered that Duggar had been reportedly having affairs for years, holding not one but two separate accounts on the cheating website AshleyMadison, which had its servers hacked and customer base released to the internet some weeks ago.

Last week, a female porn star named Danica Dillon came forward, claiming that Duggar and she had had sex several times, and that Duggar was a violent sexual partner, “tossing her around like a ragdoll.” The internet star said that she hoped her coming forward would bring other people forward who were also having sex with Duggar, and it appears that the truth may be spilling out.

This morning, a male porn star, John Holmes, 38, came forward, claiming that he and Duggar had sex on multiple occasions, and that Duggar “enjoyed it immensely.”

“Seriously, the guy can’t get enough of me. We hooked up probably 3 or 4 times a week when I was shooting my movies in D.C.,” said Holmes. “To be honest, I don’t care that he was molesting his siblings or screwing every woman on the web. Whatever, that’s what I expect from someone born and raised in Arkansas, anyway. But I just can’t sit back and ignore the fact that he hasn’t called me in months, and that’s why I’m coming forward now.”

Duggar has already confessed that he suffers from a massive internet porn addiction, and has supposedly sought treatment for his sexual needs, referring to himself as a “hypocrite.”

“Of course he’s a hypocrite – he’s religious nut. If you’re that religious, you have to be a little bit off your rocker. Just works out that his rocker is screwing around on his wife,” said Holmes. “But seriously, the whole Duggar family is a little off. I mean, hello – condoms anyone? 19 kids? Get the fudge outta here with that shit. Seriously though, Josh, if you’re reading this…call me, baby! I miss that ass!”

Outed Millionaire Cheater Puts $5 Million Bounty On Ashley Madison Hacker

madison

ONTARIO, Canada – 

An anonymous millionaire in Ontario, Canada has posted a $5 million dollar bounty on the hackers who leaked sensitive information from the website AshleyMadison.com, a website dedicated to helping married men and women have discreet hook-ups and affairs.

The millionaire, who took out full page ads in the Ontario Free Press, The New York News, and the LA Gazette, said that he was an active member of the website and, although many people are currently suing the AshleyMadison website, he felt that there was a better way of “getting justice.”

“Just because I can’t keep it in my pants, doesn’t mean that I want the world to know about it,” read the full-spread ad, included in Friday’s edition. “My name is one of over 35 million active users, and I paid for a service that was supposed to keep my name OUT of the spotlight. I’ve made enough money in my life that I can and will cum anywhere I want, whenever I want, on whoever I want, and I will do it discreetly so that my wife doesn’t take half my money in the divorce. This leak of private information is a disgrace and an outrage.”

The ad went on to say that there was a $5 million dollar ‘bounty’ to the first person who could find the hackers, and release their names publicly.

“If they’re going to go ahead and release my name, and everyone’s name, then they should be known. Anonymous is bullshit! Unless, of course, you’re trying to get your rocks off without your wife knowing. Then anonymity is everything.”

So far, all 3 major newspapers have been inundated with calls and emails asking about the purchaser of the ad, but so far, they’ve actually been able to keep all information private.

 

Stephen Hawking Sex Tape Reportedly Leaked To Internet

Stephen Hawking Sex Tape Leaked

LONDON, England – 

It seems anyone can be an object of sexual desire, with fetishes ranging from watching morbidly obese people eat, to enjoying girls urinating on hairy backs. Now there is something even hotter making its way around the internet, as paralyzed physicist Stephen Hawking’s intimate sex tape has reportedly been leaked.

In the 20-minute video, Stephen’s classic computer voice rattles off a whole list of things he wants done to him while a group of extremely bored-looking girls perform various sexual acts, including grinding his paralyzed legs, sucking his toes, and burying his face between their breasts.

Although Hawking is not able to achieve an erection, there is a pronounced twinkle in the physicist’s eyes throughout the video.

A close friend of Stephen explains, “He’s still a man, even though he suffers from ALS, and he wasn’t always paralyzed. He knows what he’s missing, and some part of him wants a taste of it. Even though he is unable to feel, he is able to imagine the sensations. It’s amazing he has lived passed seventy in his condition, and at this point in his life, it’s time to live out his fantasies before it’s too late.”

Vivid Entertainment, known for releasing celebrity sex tapes, says that they have “absolutely no interest” in purchasing and releasing the Hawking sex tape, as it’s just “too out there,” for their regular customers.

‘Game of Thrones’ Season 5 Episodes Leak To Torrent Sites; Internet Collectively Shits Itself

'Game of Thrones' Season 5 Episodes Leak To Torrent Sites; Internet Collectively Shits Itself

LOS ANGELES, California  – 

The first 5 episodes of the fifth season of Game of Thrones was leaked to the internet earlier this week, and the internet immediately shit its pants with excitement over the news. Many people were clamoring to torrent websites to download the episodes, which were not scheduled to air until April 12th, but had hit the internet on April 10th.

As of this writing, over 45,000 people were seeding, or sharing, each of the 5 episodes on the popular filesharing website bigtorrent.org, and on website Shwashbuckle.neteach episode was being shared by as many as a quarter of a million users.

“We aren’t happy at all that this happened, nope, not a bit,” said HBO spokesman Jim Dugan. “We definitely didn’t leak the episodes ourself for publicity for the show, no, definitely not. And we will argue vehemently with anyone who says otherwise. This show leak is horrible for us. It’s definitely not going to drum up excitement for the rest of the series, causing people to subscribe to us via cable our encourage them to purchase our new network, HBONow, which has every single episode of every single show we have, as well as all the great HBO movies you’ve come to expect from us. Hell no, not a chance.”

Most people who have watched the episodes and reported on them throughout websites and forums, say that the show is still just as good as it’s always been.

“Yeah, I watched them, they were pretty good,” said torrent user MegaCock4UBabez6969. “I mean, the quality wasn’t HD, which pissed me off. But whatever, the episodes were good. There were tits, and there was blood, so I’m happy.”

HBO executives say that they have no plans to release the episodes any sooner just because of the internet leak.

Design & Developed By Open Source Technologies.