V.P. Joe Biden Still Missing One Week After Initiating Game Of Hide-N-Seek At White House

WASHINGTON, D.C. – V.P. Joe Biden Still Missing One Week After Initiating Game Of Hide-N-Seek At White House

After encouraging White House staff to take part in a fun game of hide-n-seek a week ago, Vice President Joe Biden remains somewhere in hiding. During today’s morning press briefing, Press Secretary Josh Earnest was asked where Biden had been all week.

“We have no idea. Last time we saw Joe he got everybody involved in this elaborate game of hide-n-seek, and insisted he would come out the winner. That was a week ago today. The man has a competitive spirit that is out of this world. He will pop up eventually,” Earnest said.

It is not uncommon for Biden to lead White House staff into late night adventures of extreme games during after hours. Last month Biden came up with the idea to have Halloween in August for all staffers, and made it mandatory for them to dress up and take part in a White House wide game of ‘Zombie Paintball War.’ The object of the game, to make it until sunrise with two or less paintball hits. Chief of Staff, Denis McDonough teamed with Dr. Jill Biden and Senior Advisor Valerie Jarrett for the victory. An argument ensued after Vice President Biden claimed that the winning team had cheated and did not speak to his wife for three days and slept on the sofa in the Deputy Chief of Staffs office.

After the argument over what was supposed to be a fun game, President Obama said that he called Biden into the Oval office for a long talk. “I said, ‘Now Joe, it is just a game. You all need to learn to play nice and act like big kids. I know you like to win, but you aren’t always going to win. You can’t just go accusing everyone of cheating.’ I then looked him in the eye and said, ‘Now who is my #1 Joe? You are!’ I even pulled out my rolled up Slip-N-Slide, which I always keep hidden from him in the Resolute desk, and I let him take it into the hallways to play. I tell you, he lit up like a Christmas tree. He is a sensitive, yet strong man,” Obama said.

“I know one thing, he sure schooled us on this game of Hide-N-Seek,” said Earnest. “That’s just the kinda guy he is, a real gamer. Soon he will emerge from the bowels of the White House with some crazy idea, that’s why we love him.”

No word on whether anyone had thought to walk around the White House yelling ‘Olly olly oxen free’ to try to coax Biden out of his hiding spot.

 

 

Hasbro To Create Home Version of “Knockout Game”

PAWTUCKET, Rhode Island – empire-news-hasbro-releasing-home-version-of-knockout-game-ghetto-fights2

Now your son or daughter can experience all the thrills and excitement of living in a dangerous ghetto, but from the comfort of your family living room. Hasbro, the company behind such game and toy classics as Monopoly and GI Joe, has announced today their plans to release a version of the dangerous “Knockout Game” for children.

The “Knockout game” is one of many names given by American news media to street assaults in which one or more assailants attempt to knock out an unsuspecting victim, often with a single violent haymaker, merely for their amusement or for “internet notoriety” when posted to YouTube and other websites.

A representative for Hasbro, Theodore Thomas, said that this is the first time the company has created a new product based on a street game.

“We’ve released everything from marbles to Monopoly, but we’ve never had a game where kids could take swings at each other before.” Said Thomas. “We’re really excited to launch our new Knockout Game: Home Edition! I know I’ll be giving it to my kids for Christmas, and really let them go at each other!”

Head designer for Hasbro, Greg Starscream, said that the game would play a lot like toy competitor Schilling’s “Socker Boppers,” but with points and a “winner.”

“We took the best things about punching people in the face, and added a twist to it.” Said Starscream. “You put on our (patent pending) silicone and foam rubber gloves, which each have an electronic points system built in. The players will take turns punching each other, and whoever gets “knocked out” first loses.”

Thomas said that despite the violent idea behind the game, there should be no safety concerns for parents, as the company has taken every precaution and safety measure.

“The difference between the real version of the Knockout Game and ours, is that you don’t actually have to physically knock someone out in the home version. Our points system will beep every time you score a point. Think of it as a new-age version of Rock ’em-Sock ’em Robots – but you get to do the punching!”

Hasbro plans on releasing their Knockout Game: Home Edition by the middle of October, just in time for the Christmas rush.

 

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